Nine Months Later
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob.
They loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.
They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who
answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house
all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the
neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if
the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and
the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They
enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.
It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined
that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that
good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up
"Yes, I do." said Bob
"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house
and pay her a visit?"
"Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to
admit that I did."
"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?"
Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I
did. Why do you ask?"
"She just died and left me everything."
My dad just shared this on Facebook 🤦♂️
Loch Down Monster.
My wife was abducted by a gang of mimes.
They did unspeakable things to her.
ups is the worst isp ever
What follows two eyes?
Well, that’s one way to do it
Coronalogos by u/jurcek99
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
[Announcement] If you keep spamming your youtube channels here then your post will be marked as spam.
Which means that you will not only be banned from posting to this sub but you may get a shadow ban from reddit. Shadow ban means that you will not be able to post anything to ANY subreddit. Just follow the rules before posting.
Self signed SSL certificates…
Wife and I got a flat tire driving back from the farmer’s market
I should have bought asparagus
Why did the birthday cake go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crumby! (Blatant cake joke for karma! LOL)
If you ever think times are tough, just imagine being a pig.
Two out of three little ones have no household.
Charles Dickens had lots of melodious metal bars outside the front of his house. Some of them were expensive, others dirt cheap.
It was the best of chimes, it was the worst of chimes.
A Politician, Sexual Predator and Criminal walk into a bar
Bartender says "What can I get for you Mr. President?"
; good, Tab bad
I’ll love you forever….
You millennials won’t get it
5 Kids By 3 Women, That We Know About…
Programming in a nutshell
shouting thru door “Just leave it outside, Thank you!” (2020 update)
Ship of Fools…
Totally normal first family
He’s Back To Pouting Again.
Using Trump quotes on Trumpers
its a classic
Some things never change
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on their ships?
So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian.
Little Johnny’s teacher asks, “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Do any of you know why his father didn’t punish him?”
Little Johnny replies, "Because George was the one holding the axe?
Imagine hating your wife so badly
Found in my sociology textbook
What do gay horses eat?
I stole my ex girlfriend’s wheelchair
Guess who came crawling back
Once upon a time a Mexican magician performed in a magic show.
He counted: “Uno…” “Dos…” And disappeared without a trace.
What did the coat say to the hanger
We should hang out sometime.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
What’s the difference between a constipated owl and a bad marksman?
A bad marksman shoots, but can't hit. A constipated owl hoots, but can't shit.
Sad but true
Fresh from Facebook
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff
ba dum tss
An English couple decided to adopt a little German boy. After two years, the child doesn’t speak and his parents start to worry about him. After three years, he still has not spoken and after four years, he has yet to utter a word.
The English couple figure he is never going to speak but he is still a lovely child, and on his next birthday, they threw him a party and made him a chocolate cake with orange icing. The parents are in the kitchen when the boy comes in and says, “Mother, Father, I do not care for the orange icing on the chocolate cake.” My God,” says his mother. “You can speak?” To which the German boy replies, “Of course.” "How come you've never spoken before?“ asks his father. “Well,” says the boy, “up until now, everything has been satisfactory.”
If I have twin daughters I’ll name one Kate,
and the other duplikate.
Those free private repos though.
A man took his 6-year-old daughter to his office on ‘Take your kid to work day’
As they walked around the office, the girl turned visibly upset and soon started crying. Her father asked her what was wrong As everyone gathered around, she sobbed "Daddy, I'm getting bored walking around the office. Please show me those clowns you said you work with"
Why did the barber win the race?
He took a short cut.
It’s so sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as …
A pack of feral hogs
What kind of bird doesn’t have babies
The nurse at the sperm bank asked me to masturbate in the cup.
I said: "Well I'm pretty good, but I don't think I'm ready to compete yet."
Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son.
He said: "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"
Open for business
Yesterday, I gave up my seat on the bus for a blind person…
Today, I lost my job as a bus driver… This world is too cruel for the kind hearted.
i might be old but i got the spirit
I’ve become physically ill from this image
How do you spot a blind man at a nudist beach?
it's not hard…
Tech breaking maths
What does a janitor and a car have in common
They both go broom broom
What do you discover when you find bones on the moon?
The cow didn't make it.
I asked my sheepdog how many sheep we had, he said 40.
"What? We should only have 37!" I replied. "I know" he said, "I rounded them up".
If you can’t do it, just put sudo in front.
I’m developing a new fragrance for introverts
It's called "Leave me the fuh cologne"
Winner winner chicken dinner.