No matter how many times you change it, we still won’t use it.
Dad: No, I’m gay Dad. Dad #2: No, I’m gay dad.
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He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things; but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man. He goes to see the Indian and the medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!" The guy then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?" The medicine man replies, "All you or your partner has to say is 1234, and it will go down. But be warned, it will not work again for another year." The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers and prowess. That night he is ready to surprise his wife. He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion and cologne. After he gets into bed and is lying next to her, he says, "123." Suddenly he has the most gigantic erection he has ever had, just as the medicine man had promised. His wife, who had been facing away from him reading a book, turns over and asks, "What did you say 123 for?"
..but, I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate.
I was in a taxi when the driver said“I love my job! I'm my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!”. I said “Great. Now take a left here!”
He said, "When I am about to take a shot, it's like magic, I can just see the line where I need to shoot." Then he threw a dart and got a bullseye on the first throw and I asked how he could aim the dart so well. He said, "When I am about to throw a dart, it's like magic, I can just see the line where I need to throw it." Later, he got in a fight with another guy at the bar. He threw a punch and missed badly. I asked how he could throw such a poorly aimed punch. He said, "There is no punch line."
When it turns into a driveway.
But I ain’t no snitch.
I hope you're happy now.
They gave me another one, free of charge.
He's essentially a giant banner
The mechanic waits til you've grown up to fuck you.
It's their little anty bodies.
His Dad finally grounded him
They don’t know where home is.
How in the world did I miss all the red flags?
He kisses his mother with that mouth.
I don't know but the flag is a big plus.
LEEKS. (my 10yo told me this – he said he thought it up himself.)
Is this stool taken?
Because they know divorce will be with them. Always.
When the punch line becomes a-parent
I'm a WATT?? Sorry stole it from a pornhub comment made me laugh
Because everyone knows white mails get through the system faster.
She says it drives her up the wall.
There's a lot of red flags you need to watch out for.
That's the harvest part.
That was when I put my foot down!
They each got six months.
But apparently, I was too young…
He didn’t believe in higher powers.
All he ever does is talk about their skin…
He said: “Suuuuureee YOU can!”
They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama
But most only grow four.
Because they’re always stuck at “C”.
It's as easy as C, A, B.
A laughing stock
The father says it means happy to his son, to which the son replies "Dad are you gay?" The father laughs and says "no son I have a wife".