No words are needed
It is LAYHEEHOO
60s kids: Grandma called. 70s kids: Gramps called. 80s kids: Granny called. 90s kids: Grandmother called. Kids now: Boomerang.
When it becomes apparent
Would it be called an Edison?
What a bunch of sick fucks
With my hands. OG dad joker till the end. Love you Grandfather.
Take your foot off his head. ** Edit: Some people PM'd me to tell me they found this offensive. I reread it and I agree. Here is the updated version of the joke: Q. How do you stop an anti-vaxer from drowning? A. Take your foot off his or her head. Again, I apologize to any feminists out there for my originally posted version.
He asked them who the best composer was and didn’t like their answer.
They keep telling me I have an outstanding balance
One was as-salted
She said, "Nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace!" So I bought her . . . nothing.
I have a hunch it might be me.
AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING."
The mayor of the village approaches him, clearly in distress. The superhero asks the mayor: "What's going on?". The mayor replies with: "We've got a monster nearby that's taking a virgin woman to eat every two days! Please, can you help us defeat it?". The superhero agrees and gets to work. Two weeks later the monster dies of starvation.
A husband and wife were lying in bed trying to decide how to tell when the other one wanted to do the deed. The wife turned to the husband and said, “If I’m in the mood to get frisky, I’ll put your hand on my boob. If you too are in the mood, squeeze once for yes. If not, squeeze twice for no.” The husband said, “And if I’m interested, I’ll put your hand on my penis. All you have to do is tug once for yes, and tug 537 times for no.”
I should be sad, but I'm knot.
But part of me feels justified because one would have been enough
They never get any green cards.
Now I only drink for evil
She wanted to see the task manager
I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards.
I'm sure that must have been a record.
It’s “A man ran by a campsite” because it’s past tents
Remains to be seen.
So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.” “I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.” They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.
Student: I is the…. Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an 'I'. Always put 'am' after an 'I'. Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
But it was a Risk I was willing to take…
the letter “f”
No one is willing to do it.
sadly none of them work.
And then it dawned on me.
I just came to that realization.
What a strange way to start a conversation with me…