I'm not joking, but he is.
The Bay of Pigs.
It runs in your jeans.
Did anyone else’s parents teach them to swim by throwing them in the lake? I think the swimming was the easy part.
Getting out of that burlap sack was tricky, though.
looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability. So the couple produce photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery. The social workers are satisfied by this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple's care. The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, "We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills." Next though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment. This time the wife explains, "Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet." The social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?" The husband says, "It doesn't really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon."
He won the no-bell prize.
If they had four they would be chicken sedans
Now millions of people can breathe easier.
A man comes home to his wife with a jar of aspirin. "honey, I got you this aspirin" "but I don't have a headache" "great, let's fuck"
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
"There's is an option," Said the doctor, "I had invented the machine that transfers the pain of the mother to its father, the only thing is that the pain will be 10 times more intense." The husband, being the man he was, told the doctor to do it. The doctor turned it up to 10%, the husband stood like nothing happened. Then the doctor raised it to 50%, the husband didn't even flinch a bit. "it's a wonder!" said the doctor, " do you feel any pain?" "not a bit," said the husband, "turn it to 100%" "Are you sure?" said the doctor:"you can die from such pain" The husband agreed and the pain meter got up to 100%, but he still felt nothing. When the couple got home, the mailman is dead on the front porch,
But when he rounded them up he had 400.
I had the upper hand
Son: Dad you were a helicopter mechanic Dad:Never said I was a good one
He won the no-bell prize
"Thanks for the warning, officer."
From my chemistry teacher; Frank Jr. "Yeah I have the same name as my dad. You want to know his best dad joke? Every time he calls me on the cellphone, he starts the conversation with "listen, I'm gonna be frank with you"
One day, someone asked him where the medical building was, Fred replied, "it's over there and to the left. I do research on the brain in there." Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.
He did CrossFit.
I said to the waitress, "Can I see the menu please?" She said,"the men I please has nothing to do with you".
A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's navigation and communications equipment. Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to get back to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building with lights on and flew toward it, the pilot had the passenger draw a handwritten sign reading, "WHERE AM I?", and hold it up for the building's occupants to see. People in the building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the passenger asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the Microsoft support building, they gave me a technically correct but entirely useless answer."
Elongate would be really drawn out.
Yesterday one of my good friends told me I often make people uncomfortable by violating their personal space.
It was an incredibly hurtful thing to say and it completely ruined our bath.
They forget that I exist unless they want something
Because they have been extinct for millions of years.
All that time, and nothing to chauffeur it…