Not certain what exactly this means, probably cuz I’m such a zoomer
The police say they don't know what to make of it.
"Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with 'once upon a time'"? The dad responds, saying "No, there are a whole series of fairy tales that begin with 'If elected, I promise…'"
Because he needed 3² meals a day.
They're really for the kids, but the dads always end up playing with them
Passengers: start freaking out Pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when! Passengers: sigh with relief Pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit this mountain!!
“Wait, I can explain everything.”
But then I got married.
So I took her to dinner, then a movie and dropped her off at her parents' house
I am on day 9 of quarantine and was wondering if anyone had any porn sites they’d like to recommend other than:
Xvideos PornHub Xtube Ass parade Brazzers xHamster XNXX YouPorn YouJizz TastyBlacks HClips TnaFlix Tube8 Spankbang DrTuber Spankwire KeezMovies Nuvid SunPorno BravoTube PornHD Eporner SexVid XXXBunker TheNewPorn Mofosex… PornDreamer X18 Xbabe UpdateTube BeFuck Hdmovz PornRox PornMaki Pornid Inxporn TopFreePornVideos Slutload ProPorn FakePorn Pornhost HandjobHub Vpornvideos MyXVids Pornicom DansMovies Wetplace AdultFreex Wankflix 88fuck Fapdu Rude FreudBox AdultInc PornHeed HdPorn Orgasm PornRabbit MadThumbs Fux Eroxia DeviantClip Xxvids H2porn ApeTube MetaPorn YourLustMovies ElephantTube Long PornerBros Tubegalore 3movs Ass-Time HQButt BangBus BangBros Ghetto tube RedTube BrickHouseButts GhettoGaggers GloryHole Xvideos PornHub Xtube Ass parade Brazzers xHamster XNXX YouPorn YouJizz TastyBlacks HClips TnaFlix Tube8 Spankbang DrTuber Spankwire KeezMovies Nuvid SunPorno BravoTube PornHD Eporner SexVid XXXBunker TheNewPorn Mofosex… PornDreamer X18 Xbabe UpdateTube BeFuck Hdmovz PornRox PornMaki Pornid Inxporn TopFreePornVideos Slutload ProPorn FakePorn Pornhost HandjobHub Vpornvideos MyXVids Pornicom DansMovies Wetplace AdultFreex Wankflix 88fuck Fapdu Rude FreudBox AdultInc PornHeed HdPorn Orgasm PornRabbit MadThumbs Fux Eroxia DeviantClip Xxvids H2porn ApeTube MetaPorn YourLustMovies ElephantTube Long PornerBros Tubegalore 3movs Ass-Time HQButt BangBus BangBros Ghetto tube RedTube BrickHouseButts GhettoGaggers GloryHole Xvideos PornHub Xtube Ass parade Brazzers xHamster XNXX YouPorn YouJizz TastyBlacks HClips TnaFlix Tube8 Spankbang DrTuber Spankwire KeezMovies Nuvid SunPorno BravoTube PornHD Eporner SexVid XXXBunker TheNewPorn Mofosex… PornDreamer X18 Xbabe UpdateTube BeFuck Hdmovz PornRox PornMaki Pornid Inxporn TopFreePornVideos Slutload ProPorn FakePorn Pornhost HandjobHub Vpornvideos MyXVids Pornicom DansMovies Wetplace AdultFreex Wankflix 88fuck Fapdu Rude FreudBox AdultInc PornHeed HdPorn Orgasm PornRabbit MadThumbs Fux Eroxia DeviantClip Xxvids H2porn ApeTube MetaPorn YourLustMovies ElephantTube Long PornerBros Tubegalore 3movs Ass-Time HQButt BangBus BangBros Ghetto tube RedTube BrickHouseButts GhettoGaggers GloryHole General r/nsfw r/nsfw2 r/TipOfMyPenis r/bonermaterial r/porn r/nsfw411 r/iWantToFuckHer r/exxxtras r/distension r/bimbofetish r/christiangirls r/cuckold r/dirtygaming r/sexybutnotporn r/femalepov r/omgbeckylookathiscock /r/sexygirls r/breedingmaterial r/canthold r/toocuteforporn r/justhotwomen r/realsexyselfies r/stripgirls r/hotstuffnsfw r/uncommonposes r/gifsofremoval r/nostalgiafapping r/jizzedtothis r/verticalgifs r/pantyslide r/pornogram r/oilporn r/bisexy r/riskyporn MILF r/milf r/gonewild30plus r/preggoporn r/realmoms Teen r/legalteens r/collegesluts r/adorableporn r/legalteensXXX /r/gonewild18 r/18_19 r/just18 r/PornStarletHQ r/fauxbait Amateur r/realgirls r/amateur r/homemadexxx r/dirtypenpals r/FestivalSluts r/CollegeAmateurs r/amateurcumsluts r/nsfw_amateurs r/funwithfriends r/randomsexiness r/amateurporn r/normalnudes Cam r/Camwhores r/camsluts r/streamersgonewild Gonewild r/GoneWild r/PetiteGoneWild r/gonewildstories r/GoneWildTube r/treesgonewild r/gonewildaudio r/GWNerdy r/gonemild r/altgonewild r/gifsgonewild r/analgw r/gonewildsmiles r/onstageGW r/RepressedGoneWild r/bdsmgw r/UnderwearGW r/LabiaGW r/TributeMe r/WeddingsGoneWild r/gwpublic r/assholegonewild r/leggingsgonewild r/dykesgonewild r/goneerotic r/snapchatgw r/gonewildhairy r/gonewildtrans r/gonwild r/ratemynudebody r/gonewildhairy Age r/gonewild30plus r/gonewild18 r/onmww (formerly /r/ohnomomwentwild) Couples r/GWCouples r/gonewildcouples r/gwcumsluts r/WouldYouFuckMyWife Curves r/gonewildcurvy r/GoneWildplus r/BigBoobsGW r/bigboobsgonewild r/mycleavage Ethnicity r/AsiansGoneWild r/gonewildcolor r/indiansgonewild r/latinasgw r/pawgtastic Occupation r/workgonewild r/GoneWildScrubs r/swingersgw r/militarygonewild Snapchat r/NSFW_Snapchat r/snapchat_sluts r/snapleaks Wives r/wifesharing r/hotwife r/wouldyoufuckmywife r/slutwife r/cuckold Animated r/rule34 r/ecchi r/futanari r/doujinshi r/yiff r/monstergirl r/mechanicalsluts Comics r/rule34_comics r/sex_comics Video Games r/overwatch_porn r/pokeporn r/bowsette r/rule34lol r/rule34overwatch r/nintendowaifus r/34honor r/fivefapsatfreddys r/fortniters34 r/rainbowr34 r/fortniteporn r/breathofthegonewild r/animalcrossingr34 r/mortalcumbat r/apexlegends_porn r/templarssecret r/nsfwarframe r/tflewd r/thelostwoods Hentai r/hentai r/hentai_gif r/WesternHentai r/hentai_irl r/artistic_hentai r/hentaibeast r/hentaihumiliation r/traphentai r/guro r/ahegao r/ahegao_irl r/hypnohentai r/tentai r/handholding r/honeyfuckers r/itshiptofuckbees r/guro r/hentaibondage r/animeshorts r/kuroihada r/disgustedanimegirls r/2dtittytouching r/buttfangs r/yuri r/hentaibondage r/ZettaiRyouiki r/hentaifemdom r/animefeet r/thighhighhentai r/animebooty r/swimsuithentai r/animelegs r/animearmpits r/2dsuccubi r/animemidriff r/skindentation r/thighdeology r/chiisaihentai r/lovelivelewds r/bokunoeroacademia r/waifusgonewild r/sideoppai BDSM r/BDSM r/Bondage r/BDSMcommunity r/bdsmgw Blowjobs r/blowjobs r/deepthroat r/onherknees r/blowjobsandwich Ass r/ass r/asstastic r/facedownassup r/assinthong r/bigasses r/buttplug r/TheUnderbun r/booty r/pawg r/paag r/cutelittlebutts r/hipcleavage r/frogbutt r/HungryButts r/cottontails r/lovetowatchyouleave r/celebritybutts r/cosplaybutts r/mooning Anal r/anal r/analgw r/painal r/masterofanal r/buttsharpies Asshole r/asshole r/AssholeBehindThong r/assholegonewild r/spreadem r/candidasshole r/bendover r/ediblebuttholes r/faceandasshole Yoga pants r/girlsinyogapants r/yogapants Boobs/Nipples r/boobies r/TittyDrop r/boltedontits r/boobbounce r/boobs r/downblouse r/homegrowntits r/cleavage r/breastenvy r/youtubetitties r/torpedotits r/thehangingboobs r/page3glamour r/biggerthanyouthought Busty r/BustyPetite r/hugeboobs r/stacked r/burstingout r/BigBoobsGW r/bigboobsgonewild r/2busty2hide r/bigtiddygothgf r/engorgedveinybreasts Nipples r/pokies r/ghostnipples r/nipples r/puffies r/lactation Small r/tinytits r/aa_cups r/ilikelittlebutts Face r/braceface r/earspokingout Hair r/GirlswithNeonHair r/shorthairchicks r/blonde Legs/feet r/girlsinyogapants r/stockings r/legs r/tightshorts Feet r/buttsandbarefeet r/feet Thighs r/datgap r/thighhighs r/thickthighs r/thighdeology Pussy r/pussy r/rearpussy r/innie r/simps r/pelfie r/LabiaGW r/godpussy r/presenting r/cameltoe r/hairypussy r/lipsthatgrip r/pussytomouth r/fucklicking Mound r/moundofvenus r/pussymound Skin r/Hotchickswithtattoos r/sexyfrex r/tanlines r/oilporn r/ComplexionExcellence Waist/Tummy r/SexyTummies r/theratio Body Type r/fitgirls r/bodyperfection r/samespecies r/athleticgirls r/fitgirlsfucking Curvy/Thick/THICC r/gonewildcurvy r/curvy r/gonewildplus r/thick r/juicyasians r/voluptuous r/biggerthanyouthought r/jigglefuck r/chubby r/SlimThick r/massivetitsnass r/thicker r/thickthighs r/tightsqueeze r/casualjiggles r/bbw Petite r/BustyPetite r/dirtysmall r/petitegonewild /r/xsmallgirls r/funsized r/hugedicktinychick Celebrity/Athlete r/Athlete r/volleyballgirls r/Ohlympics Celebrity r/celebnsfw r/WatchItForThePlot r/nsfwcelebarchive /r/celebritypussy r/oldschoolcoolNSFW r/extramile r/jerkofftocelebs r/celebritybutts r/onoffcelebs Cum r/cumsluts r/GirlsFinishingTheJob r/cumfetish r/amateurcumsluts r/cumcoveredfucking r/cumhaters r/thickloads r/before_after_cumsluts r/pulsatingcumshots r/impressedbycum r/cummy Cum Location r/creampies r/throatpies r/FacialFun r/cumonclothes r/oralcreampie Emotion r/HappyEmbarrassedGirls r/unashamed r/borednignored r/annoyedtobenude Ethnicity r/damngoodinterracial Asian r/AsianHotties r/AsiansGoneWild r/realasians r/juicyasians r/AsianNSFW r/nextdoorasians r/asianporn r/bustyasians r/paag Indian r/IndianBabes r/indiansgonewild r/jerkofftodesicelebs Japanese r/NSFW_Japan r/javdownloadcenter Korean r/kpopfap r/NSFW_Korea Ebony r/WomenOfColor r/darkangels r/blackchickswhitedicks r/ebony r/Afrodisiac Ginger r/ginger r/redheads Latina r/latinas r/latinasgw r/latinacuties White r/palegirls r/pawg r/snowwhites Gifs r/NSFW_GIF r/nsfw_gifs r/porn_gifs r/porninfifteenseconds r/CuteModeSlutMode r/60fpsporn r/NSFW_HTML5 r/the_best_nsfw_gifs Groups r/twingirls r/groupofnudegirls r/Ifyouhadtopickone Hardcore r/nsfwhardcore r/SheLikesItRough r/strugglefucking r/jigglefuck r/freeuse r/whenitgoesin r/outercourse r/gangbang r/breeding r/pegging r/insertions r/passionx Large Penis r/hugedicktinychick r/amateurgirlsbigcocks Positions r/facesitting r/nsfw_plowcam r/pronebone r/facefuck High Quality r/60fpsporn r/highresNSFW r/NSFW_HTML5 Incest r/incestporn r/wincest r/lovingfamily r/gaywincest Individuals r/sarah_xxx r/remylacroix r/Anjelica_Ebbi r/BlancNoir r/rileyreid r/dollywinks r/tessafowler r/lilyivy r/funsizedasian r/mycherrycrush r/gillianbarnes r/kawaiikitten r/emilybloom r/legendarylootz r/sexyflowerwater r/miamalkova r/sashagrey r/keriberry_420 r/justpeachyy r/angelawhite r/miakhalifa r/alexapearl r/missalice_18 r/lanarhoades r/evalovia r/GiannaMichaels r/arianamarie Lesbian r/lesbians r/StraightGirlsPlaying r/girlskissing r/mmgirls r/dykesgonewild r/facesittinglesbians Masturbation/Orgasm r/holdthemoan r/O_faces r/jilling r/gettingherselfoff r/quiver r/GirlsHumpingThings r/forcedorgasms r/mmgirls r/ruinedorgasms r/holdingit Dildos r/suctiondildos r/baddragon Wet women r/grool r/squirting Men r/ladybonersgw r/massivecock r/chickflixxx r/gaybrosgonewild r/sissies r/dattaint r/selffuck r/sounding Furry NSFW r/furryporn r/furryporndump r/yiff r/ZootopiaPorn r/yiffgif r/FurryPornSubreddit r/gfur r/femyiff r/silentyiff r/gayfurryporn r/yiffcomics r/Sharktits r/ArousingAvians r/anthroids r/anthropokeporn r/DragonPenis r/DragonsFuckingDragons r/FeralPokePorn r/FurryFrot r/GayPokePorn r/HorsecocksMasterRace r/PokePornGay r/scalieporn r/WholesomeYiff Outfits r/OnOff r/nsfwoutfits r/girlswithglasses r/collared r/seethru r/sweatermeat r/cfnm r/nsfwfashion r/leotards Bikinis r/bikinis r/bikinibridge Costumes r/nsfwcosplay r/nsfwcostumes r/girlsinschooluniforms Dresses r/WtSSTaDaMiT r/tightdresses r/upskirt Stockings/Socks r/stockings r/thighhighs r/leggingsgonewild Pants/Shorts r/Bottomless_Vixens r/tightshorts Yoga pants r/girlsinyogapants r/yogapants Underwear r/lingerie r/garterbelts Thongs r/assinthong r/AssholeBehindThong Professional/Sites r/suicidegirls Public r/ChangingRooms r/workgonewild r/trashyboners r/FlashingGirls r/publicflashing r/sexinfrontofothers r/NotSafeForNature r/gwpublic r/realpublicnudity r/socialmediasluts r/flashingandflaunting Trans r/Tgirls r/traps r/futanari r/gonewildtrans r/tgifs Gay: r/gaysex r/topsandbottoms r/lgbtsex r/gaykink r/gayBDSMcommunity r/gaygonewild r/gaybrosgonewild r/gaymersgonewild r/gayselfies r/gaybears r/LGBTgonewild r/bigonewild r/gayNSFW r/gayerotica Bondage r/forcedorgasms r/damselsindistress r/cuffed r/gagged r/abuseporn r/femaleorgasmdenial r/girlscontrolled Video r/pornvids r/nsfw_videos Meet People r/dirtysnapchat Other NSFW r/randomactsofblowjob r/NSFWFunny r/pornhubcomments r/confusedboners r/dirtykikpals r/nsfw_wtf r/randomactsofmuffdive r/stupidslutsclub r/sluttyconfessions r/sextrophies Armpits cause people like that r/armpits r/celebrityarmpits r/armpitfetish I don’t even know where the fuck this would go section r/dragonsfuckingcars r/SCPORN r/fedlegs r/cummingonfigurines r/dragonbutts r/dragonpussy r/dragonpenis These have gotten boring 😔 Any help is much appreciated. Thanks.
You are not alone
After months of enduring his foul language and sexual innuendoes in class, the girls decide to walk out of the class in protest in case Eddy says anything sexual or offensive. Class starts and the teacher says: "OK kids, today's subject will be buildings and construction. Who can tell me how buildings are made?" The class remains quiet, then little Eddy raises his hand and says "Madam, I know". The teacher says, "OK Eddy, please explain." Eddy: "Well, first before anything you need a permit from the city for the construction project to begin, that could take months. Once you get the permit, then come the bulldozers to basically dig into the earth to create the foundation. Then, cement is poured into the foundation and pylons are inserted. Around the pylons, the outer structure of the building is made, floors, walls, ceilings.Then comes wiring and plumbing. Next drywall can be installed along with flooring and fixtures. When all is said and done, you still have to get an occupancy permit from the city before you can actually use the building. The class remains quiet. The teacher says: WOW Eddy! Bravo, that was amazing, how did you learn all that? Eddy: For the past many months, just a few doors down from our house, they have been building what I think is a huge whore house, I've watched the whole thing from start to finish. At that moment, all the girls suddenly get up and start to walk out. Eddy looks around and says: Woah woah woah, girls sit down, they are still waiting for the permit!
There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving until I get it." The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once in, she told him to pick any of the girls he liked. He asked, "Do any of the girls have any diseases?" Of course the Madam said no. He said, "I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making love with Amber. THAT'S the girl I want." Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him. Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door. The Madam stopped him and asked, "Why did you pick the only girl in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?" He said, "Well, if you must know, tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant for dinner, leaving me at home with a baby-sitter. After they leave, my baby-sitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of cute little boys. She will then get the disease that I just caught. When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the baby-sitter home. On the way, he'll jump the baby-sitter's bones, and he'll catch the disease. Then when Dad gets home from the baby-sitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it. In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease, and HE'S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!"
Global chaos ensues. The disease wipes out 99% of humanity, and the desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
Mother: Because when you were just a precious little baby, a rose fell off a tree and onto your head. Girl 2: But mother, why am I named Blossom? Mother: Well my darling, same with you; a blossom blew from a tree and onto your head. Girl 3: Mufaghh ma waafaa maaa? Mother: How about you stop fucking complaining, Coconut?
The dry erase board is probably the most remarkable
The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4". The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal. The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4. Principal: What is 3+3? Boy: 6. Principal: 6+6. Boy: 12. The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately. The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed. Madam: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2? Boy: Legs. Madam: What is in your trousers that I don't have? Boy: Pockets. Madam: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid? Boy: Coconut. Madam: What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky? The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge Boy: Bubble gum. Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do. Boy: Tent. The principal was looking restless. Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?. Boy: Wedding ring. Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good? Boy: Nose. Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver. Boy: Arrow. Principal: OH MY GOD. Madam: What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you have to use your hand? Boy: Fork. Madam: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage? Boy: Surname. Principal: Ohooo! Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love? Boy: Heart. Principal: Eeeeeh! The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, "Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!"
It's probably because I can bring a lot to the table.
“no, son, I was born with it.”
Christmas is coming
By 4am I was past caring…
So he calls an animal trapper and explains the situation. The trapper says he'll be right over. About an hour later, the trapper rolls up in a huge pickup truck with a large metal cage in the bed. He gets out of the truck followed by a tough looking pitbull. The dog looks pretty beat up, with a torn ear, a jagged pink scar running down its side, and what appears to be a chunk of its lip missing. The guy looks nervously at the dog. "So, what's the plan?" he says, shaking the trapper's hand. "Pretty simple, actually," the trapper says as he unloads a ladder. "I climb up onto the roof, knock the bear to the ground. Then Trigger here grabs the bear by the balls and drags it to the cage. The bear will go in to get away from the dog, the cage door will snap shut, and we're done." The guy looks dubiously from the dog to the bear to the cage. The trapper then pulls a shotgun out of a holster in the back of the truck and hands it to the guy. "Wait, what's the shotgun for?" the guy asks. "Simple. When I climb the roof, if the bear knocks me off, shoot the fucking dog."
It's true! I saw it with my own eyes.
Every time I hit a speed bump, I tell her it was a dog.
Until the police came and removed me from the library.
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift." As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?" "Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent." I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?" "Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."
The dominatrix never had a transgender client before, but she was a professional, over 5 years in the field, so she decided to agree to take the job. On the first day, she asked: "How should I refer to you, what pronoun do you go by?" Trans person: "Them". And as time goes by they keep talking and getting to know each other, they even tell jokes. After a couple sessions the trans person says "Hey can you tell me that joke you told yesterday again? It was hilarious!", the dom says sure and tells the joke again, but unsure what's funny about hearing the same joke twice. They keep meeting up, having a laugh, all the while engaging in dom sex. After a few weeks of this, the dominatrix is at a coffee shop with her friend when the trans client shows up and says hi. Her friend, surprised, asks "How do you know him?" "They're a client" the dom replied, "but they have a weird fetish" "What is it?" asked the friend, leaning in to hear some gossip "This sub loves when you tell them the same jokes every day!" Edit: consistency with pronouns
Happy Mother’s Day!
No text found
a. 10,000 km/s b. 100,000 km/s c. d. 1,000,000 km/s