Not content with the skyrocketing unemployment rate, Donald also wants to put joke writers out of business.
Let’s kill her
Boomers got the meat
This made me chuckle
I buy my guns from a guy called T-Rex
He's a small arms dealer
Just called the tinnitus hotline
It didn’t stop ringing
If Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight..
There would be mass confusion.
Haha stupid gen z DIE NOW DIE
A man is walking in the woods when he finds a suitcase.
He opens the suitcase and inside are three foxes. So he calles emergency services and says "I just found three foxes in a suitcase. What should I do?" "Well," the operator said, "Are they moving?" "I don't know," he said, "But that would explain the suitcase."
Bloomberg Using Lifelines
Triggered snowflakes 😤
I was laughing but then I remembered I don’t have health insurance.
Types of programmers
He isn’t Wrong Guys
Do I often put an orange slice in my beer?
Not really. Maybe once in a blue moon.
Believing in 12.5% of the Bible
Makes you an eighth thiest.
I threw my iPhone into a lake the other day and…
…it’s still syncing.
For the record.
A Husband Whispers in his Wife’s Ear at the Bar
"Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the bar where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." Yes, she says, "I remember it oh so well!" OK, he says, "Let's go there again, and we can do it for old time's sake?" "Oh Marvin, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!" A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?" Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
Well not anymore
Dad: We need to go out
ME: Where are we going? Dad: To pick up our glasses from the optometrist. ME: Than What? Dad: We'll see..
What has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck
Which body part dies last ?
The eyes, because they dilate.
Husband doing crossword with his wife
Husband: Emphatic no, five letters. Wife: Never H: Pistol, 3 letters. W: Gun H: Disgust, 3 letters. W: Ugh H: Charity, 4 letters. W: Give H: Female sheep, 3 letters W: Ewe H: Pixar movie, 2 letters W: Up
Do you know why women fart after they pee?
They can't shake it so they need to blow dry.
This guy is on point.
Cell Phone bad
I can’t go out to buy drapes for my windows…
These are uncurtain times
My dad died last year because I couldn’t remember his blood type in time for the paramedics to give him a blood transfusion.
As he was dying he kept saying be positive, but it's been really hard without him.
Stats show that the average person has sex 89 times per year.
Looks like I’m in for a wild December.
Do you remember Limewire? You might have ruined your parents computer but it was worth it
Vegetarians are like parallel lines…
They never meat.
Much very good.
When you have to work with code that you wrote a long time ago
I’m not sure if this has been posted before
When Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez did another mic drop …
Pokemon go 4 life
Probably been done before
I was at a party and every one had a cold.
Yo it was sick!
I don’t want to alarm anyone but I brought this meme back from 2050
America’s cowardly guardians!
How do you think the unthinkable?
Thteer it thtraight into an itheberg.
What a shame
I tripped in France
umm…Lewis, are you alright?
Over/ Under on this one……
Don’t know if this has been posted here before
A truck driver drives during an intense winter strom
The truck driver comes to a stop. The woman in the car behind him gets out of her car and knocks on the truck driver's window: "Excuse me sir, you are losing your load!" The truck driver is confused and continues his path until the next stop. The woman knocks on his window again. "Excuse me sir, you are losing your load!" The truck driver is even more confused and continues to drive. At the next stop, the woman comes to knock again on his window. "Excuse me sir, you are losing your load!" The truck driver gets angry and says: "Would you please shut up! I'm putting salt on the road!"
So I woke up to a blowjob this morning.
It’s the last time I’ll sleep on the train with my mouth open.
When you work on your friend’s code 🤣🤣
My mom was telling dadjokes
4096-bit should do it
What’s an angry window made of?
This is sad..
Yo Mama so fat
I swerved to avoid her in the road and ran out of gas
My friend is spreading rumours about me being schizophrenic.
Well, three can play that game!
I made my own boomer comic
Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me.
Luckily my injury’s were only super fish oil.
My neighbor owes me $500 but won’t pay.
Lawyer: Do you have proof? Me: No L: Send him a bill for the $5000 he owes you. M: But it's only $500. L: Exactly, he will respond saying just that. And you will have proof.
I hired a landscape gardener…
But he said he couldn’t help as my garden was portrait.
Wired be like
Baby gender reveal at my family reunion
My brother’s wife has been pregnant for five months and decided that they wanted to reveal the gender of the baby at our family reunion of about 40 people. One night, after just finishing up a BBQ, my brother and his wife stand up and announce to the family that they are going to have a little baby girl. Everyone starts cheering, naturally. Once the cheers die down a little I shout out, “Do you have a name for the baby yet?” My brother replies, “Yeah. Liana Noelle.” Everyone starts to “Ooohhh” and “Ahhhh” and proclaim how pretty of a name it is. Then after a moment I shout, “How the hell are you supposed to spell Liana with no L?”
Passes straight through, dk what to tell ya ;)
Enviro-Skeptic boomer pun!
What’s the first book in the video game bible?