Not even sure how this qualifies as humor
As the couple approach the altar the priest steps up and gives the best speech anyone has ever heard. He's full of confidence, incredibly expressive and has everyone in fits of laughter! After the vows, the priest is extremely shy and barely says a word to anyone. The groom approaches the him and asks, "why are you so shy? You seemed like a different person when you were giving that speech!" "I know…" Says the priest, "but that was just my altar ego".
You will be mist.
He liked to feel the draft coming in.
well i cant because he's not here
Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
Because everyone exclaims "woah man" when they see them
“Relax” he says, “I’m just here to rob the place”
Well, the joke is on them. Because so are they
I have no idea, but it ain't 3 cause my basement is still dark.
Because you're a joke.
I didn’t even know they were catholic!
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So I told her she's pretty enough.
Because attachments are forbidden
But I feel like I'm hitting a wall
Can't believe I spent all that money and have nothing to chauffeur it
I just gave them my too weak notice…
I'm a faux pa.
Not screaming hysterically like his passengers
I wish I had a pony.
In Japan, he picks up a hooker and they go all night long. The entire time they were making love she was excitedly shouting: Hasimota! Hasimota! Since the man obviously didn't know a word of Japanese, he concluded it was some sort of an excitement noise. The next morning he meets with a few japanese businessmen on a golf course. One of the businessmen makes a shot and, surprisingly, scores a hole in one. Everyone applauds and the foreign man, wanting to sound clever, shouts: Hasimota! The man who scored the shot turns to him and asks in confusion: "What do you mean 'Wrong hole!'?"
A man enters a cafetaria and is welcomed by a pretty girl behind the counter. While browsing through the menu, he notices that its last item reads: ‘handjob – $15’.
The girl asks: 'Can I help? 'Yes,' says the man, 'the handjob, are you the one giving them?' The lady winks and says: 'I sure am, handsome!' The man: 'Could you then wash your hands, I'd like to order a hamburger.'
Smelmop Smelmop Who?
I guess he just has a self defecating sense of humor.
As he was dying he kept telling us "be positive, be positive!" But it's gonna be really hard without him.
Refer to the periodic table of elements with questions.