When Hitler removes Polish with chemicals, everyone loses their shit..
Because it was in the middle of 9/11.
I'm losing sleep over it. On the plus side, it's only 3 more sleeps until Christmas
I think my mother did a commendable job in that regard.
A lumberjack walks into a magical forest to cut a tree. He swings his ax at an old oak and it shouts, "Wait! I'm a talking tree!" The lumberjack laughed and says, "Yes! And you will dialogue."
Oh wait, never mind. She was just getting the mail.
That priest is in prison now.
I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you
I said, "why are you crying? I'm the one that has to find a new girlfriend"
then goes to the bathroom. He comes out, goes to the bartender. He says “you’ve got a great place, but my buddy was here last night, and he said you have golden urinals. Where are they?” The bartender turns to the band and yells, “Frank, I’ve got a lead on the guy who pissed in your sax!”
It's called the Deseret Eagle.
They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was… At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him… after all, there wasn't anybody else in the island… He eventually built a cabin, had a functioning automatic potable water supply, and all sorts of little clever commodities, all done to make her life easier… it was the most effort any man had ever done for her, and all the hard work made him fit, she noticed this… One night after some wildlife attacked and he defended her successfully, getting a few cuts in the process, she threw herself at him and they made love, after that, they where for all intents and purposes a couple with an above regular sex life. But for some reason he started drifting away, something was bothering him. And she noticed… "What's wrong?" Scarlett Johansson asked, "Nothing…" the guy would say… She pestered him for a while eventually saying she would do ANYTHING he needed or wanted to make him feel good again, just because she really cared for him a lot, and even if he wasn't asking, she felt it was the least she owed it to him… "Really?, you'll do anything I'd like?" "yes" she said "anything!" "ok, first i want you to take off you toga and get into this pair of work jeans that somehow washed on the shore" "ok…" "now put this shirt on please, but first, "tape" your boobs so they are flat" "wha… ok, I'd say I'd do anything" she said lovingly. "ok, now, take this hat and wear it, but tuck your hair under it" She was kinda confused, but non the less, she wanted to make him happy, so she tucked her hair under the hat. "Now id like for you to grab this piece of soot and paint yourself a beard and a mustache" "ok… if this is what you want…" she muttered. "now, please, put on these sunglasses, and start walking down the beach I'll catch up to you in a bit", he said a bit excited… She started walking… wondering… doubting herself… just confused about what had just happened, maybe it wasn't her, maybe it was h… suddenly the guy grabs her by her shoulder turns her around and says: "DUDE!!! you won't believe who I've been fucking for the past 6 months!"
They say the business is toast.
I named him Carson.
It has grown on me
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
They were Prime mates.
Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weekdays.
I'll make lots of female friends, gain their trust and become their confidant, and when they least expect it…… BAMM!! !! !! … I'll fuck their boyfriends
Because they have 3 periods a game.
The other cow says "no I'm a penguin"
With a silent “cr”.
I said no it doesn't.
Dad: Gotcha, gonnabesuperpissed.
I told my son people keep accidentally pleading for me to purchase meat for them. He asked, “By mistake?”
I shouted, “Oh come on! Not you too!”
I asked if it was that good, his smile faded and he looked me dead in the eye as he said no, its fucking close to water. He poured it down the drain without losing focus and walked out of the kitchen
He asks his father "Dad, am I more black or Jewish?" "Why do you ask?" says the father "Because there is a kid at school selling his bike for $50 and was wondering if I should talk him down to $40 or just take it."
Leave me the Fu Cologne.