Not really a fan of cheetah print but it grew on me
Hold on, it's 900. Edit: No, wait, it's 500.
I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying he’d walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come around, eventually.
Would it be called a Dodge Chargeable
It was an ether/oar situation.
If it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.
menu sir? asked the owner. I'm blind, just bring me one of your dirty forks, I will smell it and order. The confused owner went to the kitchen to retrieve a fork, and returned to the blind man. The blind man smelled the fork with a deep breath, yes I will have the lamb with seasoned potatoes and spring vegetables. Unbelievable, thought the owner. The blind man ate and left. Two weeks later the blind man returned. The owner, wanting to know how good his smell is, quickly went to the kitchen where his wife Brenda was cooking and said, do me a favor and rub this fork over your private part which she did. He then goes to the blind man and gives him the fork. The blind man takes it and puts it to his nose and says, oh interesting! I never knew Brenda works here!
A polar bear
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
I don't get it
“Houston, we have a problem.” What? “Never mind” What’s the problem? “Nothing” Please tell us? “You know what the problem is.”
So I sent him a card, “Get well soon.”
I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?
At least, that’s what she said in her diary
The results were château-strophic.
Me: That's unclear.
It wouldn't wash off this morning, so I went back to complain, but the tattoo parlour wasn't there.
My local church recently held a masquerade themed dinner and whilst the priest was saying grace I suddenly realised…
It was a blessing in disguise.
He was in Daniel.
The walking dad
Turned out she was seeing someone else on the side.
'Cos you're breathtaking..
They are already experts at recycling.
But John came fifth, and won a toaster.
…never to return, tears well in my eyes as I wave goodbye to each and every lollipop, the only friends I have ever known. "So long, suckers," I whisper through trembling lips.
I pleaded, “But baby, it’s cold outside.”
Me: Of course. Holy shit, I had no idea we were that close.
Anna 1, Anna 2