Not ruined by caption per se, but still…
geology totally rocks but geography is where it’s at
i’m new to this subreddit 🏃🏽♀️
A saw a man with the hood on his coat jumping up and down
A saw a man with the hood on his coat jumping up and down. People were going crazy, throwing money at it. I asked him if he makes a living like that, he said, "Yes, it's my livelihood."
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex?
Honey I'll be home in 20 minutes.
I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke…
What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath? Throw in your laundry. The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit." We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he choked on a sock."
If your cable stops working, it could be a bad ohm-N.
Sorry for the terrible pun, I just couldn't resist.
What did the two suicidal people say to each other?
nothing….. they were just hanging….
You know what really makes my day…
The rotation of the earth
Harry Potter has way too many characters…
Even J.K. Rolling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.
When is a door not a door?
When it's ajar.
What was Matthew McConaughey’s least favourite part of Interstellar?
When the girl gets older, and he stays the same age.
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
Why does Santa fear getting stuck in a chimney?
Because he’s Claustrophobic.
A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.
The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?' 'I'm out of gas,' the man replied. The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out. 'Try it now,' said one bee. The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. 'Wow!' the man exclaimed, 'what did you put in my gas tank'? The bee answered, ‘BP’
Son: I’m gay, Dad.
Dad: No, I’m gay Dad. Dad #2: No, I’m gay dad.
I’ve just started reading my first ever Braille horror story.
I think that something scary is about to happen, I can feel it.
My lesbian neighbours bought me a Rolex for my birthday.
It's a really nice gift, but it's not quite what I meant when I said "I wanna watch"
My wife saw an ant picking up a leaf 5 times its body weight, and told me, “Can you imagine being that strong?”
So I picked up the leaf and said, “Yes.”
My deaf girlfriend just told me, “We need to talk.”
That is not a good sign.
I called the doctor, “My Wife is going into labor! What should I do?”
“Is this her first child?” He asks. “No this is her Husband.”
Advice needed: I was asked to turn on a light bulb.
And I suck at flirting. I’m in the dark on this one.
It’s hardly known this, but one of Shakespeare’s characters actually died at childbirth.
It was Othello… and then Othgoodbye.
I just saw a woman on horseback.
I never knew horses even got tattoos.
My wife just gave me a restraining order..
Who knew there was an incorrect way to use a colander….
Help, Someone from Russia is trying to hack my phone
Edit: sorry, I not hacked. Mother Russia do no such thing. Have good day comrades.
I left $100 in my suit jacket at the dry cleaners.
Unfortunately when I went to get it back, they were shut down for money laundering.
What has two butts and can kill people?
An Assassin
A man walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer before the problems start!”
He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Now the problems start!"
