Not ruined by caption per se, but still…
i’m new to this subreddit 🏃🏽♀️
A saw a man with the hood on his coat jumping up and down. People were going crazy, throwing money at it. I asked him if he makes a living like that, he said, "Yes, it's my livelihood."
Honey I'll be home in 20 minutes.
What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath? Throw in your laundry. The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit." We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he choked on a sock."
Sorry for the terrible pun, I just couldn't resist.
nothing….. they were just hanging….
The rotation of the earth
Even J.K. Rolling has a hard time keeping all the characters straight.
When it's ajar.
When the girl gets older, and he stays the same age.
A four-chin teller.
Because he’s Claustrophobic.
The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?' 'I'm out of gas,' the man replied. The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out. 'Try it now,' said one bee. The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. 'Wow!' the man exclaimed, 'what did you put in my gas tank'? The bee answered, ‘BP’
Dad: No, I’m gay Dad. Dad #2: No, I’m gay dad.
I think that something scary is about to happen, I can feel it.
It's a really nice gift, but it's not quite what I meant when I said "I wanna watch"
My wife saw an ant picking up a leaf 5 times its body weight, and told me, “Can you imagine being that strong?”
So I picked up the leaf and said, “Yes.”
That is not a good sign.
“Is this her first child?” He asks. “No this is her Husband.”
And I suck at flirting. I’m in the dark on this one.
It was Othello… and then Othgoodbye.
I never knew horses even got tattoos.
Who knew there was an incorrect way to use a colander….
Edit: sorry, I not hacked. Mother Russia do no such thing. Have good day comrades.
Unfortunately when I went to get it back, they were shut down for money laundering.
He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Now the problems start!"