Not sure if this has been posted here
“Well,” he began, “my main weakness would definitely be my issues with reality—telling what’s real from what’s not.” “Okay,” said the interviewer. “And what about your strengths?” “I’m Batman.”
Could this be a red flag?
They're both cauldron.
Because you don't know what he laces them with and you'll be tripping all day.
It becomes theiranium
He wasn’t a drunk, just awful with crosswords.
"How much have you had to drink?" she demanded. "Not much" I slurred. "Look at me!" she shouted, "It's either me or the bar, which one is it?" I paused for a second and said "It's you, I can tell by the voice."
She looked surprised.
With my hands. OG dad joker till the end. Love you Grandfather.
Robin: “What the hell is a tery?”
Because with great power, comes great response ability.
His dad says,” you know..you could do better, right?” “Thanks dad. That means a lot.” “I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to your girlfriend.”
You don't know what you are missing.
Icy dead people
A cop approaches the car and says: "Sir, the ambulance is on its way. Your girlfriend has blood on her face, yet she sits there patiently. You appear to be fine, why are you crying so loud?" The man replies: "Check what's in her mouth!"
As soon as I got him home he made a Bolt for the Door.
Lots O' Matzoh Spin the Ladle Latkes of Love And for vegans: Soy Vey!
It's like I've never seen herbivore.
If I wanted to disappoint two people in the same room, I would just have dinner with my parents.
Their middle name
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it…
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards." He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh… the Sixth… the Fifth…" Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate. He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
A rip off.
I said I wasn’t too sure about that but I do a wicked Bohemian Rhapsody…
Turns out people don’t like it when you go the extra mile for them.
Mount Everest. It just hadn't been discovered yet. (compliments of my 8 year old)
It was a risk I was willing to take.
Outlaws are wanted.