not the traditional type of boomer humor, but i found these lot on the back of one of those dumb magazines my teacher gave out after a test so we wouldn’t use our phones
Kentuckians
After their 11th child, a Kentucky couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So, the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Kentucky) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10. The Kentuckian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me. ''Trust me,' said the doctor. So, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count! "1" "2" "3" “4” "5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand. This procedure also works in Tennessee, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Parts of Georgia, Missouri, West Virginia, and all of Washington DC.
Last night, I was lying in bed gazing up at the stars thinking
Where the fuck is my roof?
Why can’t you have a nose that’s 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot.
I can speak time
It's my second language
How often you guys clean your deaignated wiping gauntlet?
How often you guys clean your deaignated wiping gauntlet?
Some may find it funny, some may find it sad. I make all of these out of dead rats!
https://ift.tt/2W2uLri
What do you call a pen that isn’t moving?
Stationary.
A boy scout says to his scout leader, “Sir, is this snake poisonous?” The scout leader says, “No, that snake’s not poisonous at all.” So the boy picks up the snake, which bites him and the boy starts to spasm and foam at the mouth as the other kids look on in horror!
The scout leader says, "But that snake is venomous. Poison is ingested or absorbed, while venom is injected. Let's get it right next time, boys."
Start with the punchline.
How do you tell a time travelling joke?
I know a great joke about unrefined oil, but I can’t post it here.
It's a little too crude.
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed. "Who was that?" asked his wife. "Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers. "Did you help him?" she asks. "No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!" "Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?" "Yes," comes back the answer. "Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband. "Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark. "Where are you?" asks the husband. "Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk.
Social distancing isn’t just a recommendation, it’s a commandment.
Thou shall not COVID thy neighbor's house
(NSFW) Coronavirus porn is going viral on PornHub..
What a bunch of sick fucks
I asked a midget for a dollar today….
He said "Sorry, I'm a little short"
Working at the unemployment office sucks.
If you lose your job you still have to come in.
Dr: “Sir, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards”
Me: "AND?"
I want to buy Apple’s new monitor but I only have $4,000…
I can’t stand it!
![I drew this about the protests [oc]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/zxqm79rgorw41-400x268.png)
A dude was wondering why a rock was getting bigger
Then it hit him
Today in sex ed our teacher asked what’s the difference between a male reproductive system and the female reproductive system.
Apparently there’s a vas deferens
My wife found out I was cheating when she saw the letters I was hiding
After that she refuses to play Scrabble with me.
The urge to sing ‘the lion sleeps tonight’
Is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away
My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together. Man I sure am lucky !
I mean, first I win the lottery and now this
My grandpa went to Vietnam and he shot and killed dozens of North Vietnamese singlehandedly.
We are going on vacation somewhere else next year.
Dad: so at the ball drop we all have to put our left leg in the air
Me: why Dad: so we can start the new year on the right foot! Me: why are you the way that you are
I once paid $20.00 to see Prince perform
But I partied like it was $19.99
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang?”
The professor replied, “Sorry. No Time.”
Have you heard about brooms?
It's the cleaning craze that's sweeping the nation!
Three couples are trying to get married at the same church.
There is a young couple, a middle-aged couple, and an elderly couple. The three couples meet with the priest and discuss when they can get married. "If you wish to get married in my church, you must all go one month without having sex," says the priest. One month later the three couples return to the church and talk to the priest. He then asks the elderly couple, "Have you completed the month with sex?" "Yes we have, it was easy," replies the elderly couple. "How about you?" He asks the middle-aged couple. "It was hard, but we didn't have sex for the whole month," they respond. "And how about you two?" He asks the young couple. "No we couldn't do it," responds the boyfriend. "Tell me why," says the priest. "Well my girlfriend had a can of corn in her hand and she accidentally dropped it. She bent over to pick it up and that's when it happened." The priest then tells them, "You're not welcome in my church." "We're not welcome in the supermarket either," says the boyfriend
