Not to brag, but I have sychic powers.
For example, right now you’re thinking, “It’s psychic, you idiot!”
My friend said, “Congratulations on your new job. How did you get it?” I replied, “The same way the Virgin Mary got Jesus.” He laughed, “A miracle?!”
I said, "No. Sex that I can't tell anyone about."
But sometimes I have trouble getting into the driver’s seat.
Because you're a joke.
A chicken tender
The guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the plane, and as we began to fall he yelled in my ear "So how long you been an instructor?
The pupils, they dilate
Do you see what I see?
Because they can’t even
No text found
As she rode by. She looked at me, gave me the finger, and turned back around and promptly plowed her bike into the cow. I tried.
She hates my mandates.
A hockey player showers after three periods.
“This aged well.”
A truck loaded with Worcestershire sauce is driving through Saskatoon, Saskatchewan when it collides with a Nissan Qashqai.
The truck then careens down the road and hits a car from Massachusetts, injuring the two otorhinolaryngologists inside. A bystander quickly calls to report the accident on his Huawei. The emergency operator asks the bystander, "What happened?" "It's hard to say." . . Co-written by M0ng078
They would call it crucifact.
Because it got mugged
A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
We had our ups and downs but I'll still miss it
The horse, not able to understand human language, shits on the floor and leaves
Igloos it together
Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance.
It was about time.
Something terrible’s about to happen… I can feel it…
I went to the shop and bought a thesaurus but when I got home, when I opened it, all the pages were blank.
I had no words to describe how angry I was.
As they were walking around the office, the girl started crying. Her father asked what was wrong with her. As the staff gathered around she sobbed loudly 'Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you worked with?'
Tell a redditor a joke he will post it for a lifetime
I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day
It may seem impossible, but I saw it with my own two eyes