NRA apologies for not rising up against the tyrannical government. The thing it’s been crying about for decades
That when you put it in a girl her immune system tries to fight it.
To satisfy my fetish of being able to afford medicare.
A law suit
2, 3, 5, and 7 are the prime suspects.
They cant Elope…
My Wife is freaking out about this coronavirus. She made me promise I’d put the mask on before I left for work this morning……
Now I’m two hours late and I don’t even like Jim Carey
This girl ran up to me at the cemetery and said “I need to pass through the cemetery but I’m scared to walk alone. Can you walk with me across?”
I said "Oh yeah of course. Don't worry, I used to be super scared of cemeteries when I was alive too."
They saw our review. 1 star
He couldn't see that well.
A man rushes home late from work, slams the door open and plops himself down on the sofa. He turns on the tv and looks at his wife “quick” he says “get me a beer and some food before it starts!”
The wife gets up slowly looking startled but slightly excited. She wanders into the kitchen and comes back quickly with a beer and some food for her husband. The man gulps down the beer and looks back to his wife “quick!” He says “get me another beer before it starts!” The man goes back to flicking channels and stuffing food in his mouth. The wife stands up, obviously angry at her husband. And turn the TV off. “Now you look here! You come home late, don’t even say hello, don’t explain why you were late either! I bet you were with that harlot from work again wasn’t you? You said it was over, how could you do this to me! I cook for you, clean for you, and all you do is treat me like a slave! My mother was right about you! I even…. The man lays back on the couch, his eyes glaze over and he zones out. “Damn” he mutters to himself, “it’s started”.
Unfortunately when I went to get it back, they were shut down for money laundering.
Because he kisses his mother with that mouth
Insert punchline here
Because it is cheaper
I'm seeing a lot of new faces here in the crowd this week and I have to say I am very disappointed.
She's pretty naan confrontational.
the wedding wasn't much to speak of, but the reception was excellent.
It was quite a Marvel.
Turned out it was just a stereo type.
He got hammered
Call me a racist if you want, but south of the border is a sea of violence, corruption and stupidity I wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole.
I am thankful every day that I live in Canada.
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.”
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger." He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then .." He sighed ….. "Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box……."
I'm only doing it to get my foot in the door.
The length of the pause.
Because its two-tired.
Wasn't my first choice for a nickname, but I can live with it…
As soon as I got him home he made a Bolt for the Door.
The second time let me down.
Now normally I would say he’s all right. But actually he’s dead.
Taken: Out Of Context.
While taking a left turn the boyfriend asks " Babe , can you check if the indicator is working. " The blonde look around and says " Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes…"
It got out of hand pretty quickly