[NSFW] I finally figured out where my foreskin went!
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Like my silver medal did for me at the Catholympics…
…prove that you're second to nun.
I want to hear 99 people sing ‘Africa’ by Toto.
It’s something that a hundred men or more could never do.
If you regret your vote in 2016, don’t worry about it
Hindsight is 2020
Lawyer: My client is trapped inside a penny!
Judge: Stuck in a penny? Lawyer: Yes, he’s in a cent!
Why dont chickens insult each other?
They dont like getting roasted
Two guys are on a boat with 3 cigarettes and nothing to light them with.
They threw one over board and the boat is now a cigarette lighter.
Imagine what would happen if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight…
There would be mass confusion!
My dick was in the Guinness Book of World Records
Until I got kicked out of the library
My face! When he says “The Coronavirus is very much under control in the USA.”!
https://ift.tt/3eOSfbR
What do you call a flirty philosoper?
A Socra-tease
My girlfriend and I began having sex at 1:58AM this morning and didn’t stop until 3:01AM.
Thanks daylight savings!
I can cut a piece of wood in half just by looking at it.
It’s true, I saw it with my own eyes.
I’ve failed in Maths more times than I can count.
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What’s the difference between The Bloods and Superman?
One gets killed by kryptonite, the other gets killed by Crips tonight.
A friend suggested trying a local honey for my allergies. So I did that.
Now my wife wants a divorce.
People who rob jewelry stores and banks are pretty bad
But people who rob bakeries really take the cake.
Every morning on my way to work, the same bike comes and tries to run me over.
It’s a vicious cycle.
Breaking News: Vandals broke into the Origami Museum last night
Will keep you posted as the story unfolds.
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave.
As I was standing there, I noticed four grave diggers walking about with a coffin. Three hours later and they’re still walking about with it. I thought to myself, “They’ve lost the plot.”
How do scarecrows fix flat tires?
They use a pumpkin patch!
I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.
So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.
Want to hear a joke about paper?
Nevermind it's tearable.
Boss told me that as a security guard, it’s my job to watch the office
I’m on season 6 and I’m not really sure what this show has to do with security
NV, SC, and Super Tuesday Primary Voters: Show us proof you voted yesterday, and we’ll give you a cool flair! :)
Continuation of this thread, which focuses on the NH Primary.We are planning on expanding the flair program to primary voters in all 50 states. If you have any ideas for perks or extras we can throw in, please let us know via modmail. Right now, only voters from states who’s primaries have either occurred or will occur soon can request flairs.Iowa caucus goers are also encouraged to use the same form to submit their late request. Later states will be given the chance to submit their requests once their primaries or caucuses have occurred.NV, SC, and Super Tuesday Primary Voters: CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR FLAIR IF YOU VOTED!Simply provide evidence of your participation (any ‘I Voted’ sticker or other supplemental documents are allowed), and we’ll add a user flair similar to my account to your account.Special Discord Channel AccessVerified voters will also get special access to our exclusive Voter Only Discord channel. To gain access to this, include your Discord account ID in your above submission, and we’ll add you to this channel.Have a good day!
I remember exactly where I was when I heard the news that JFK was shot.
7th grade World history class.
