Obamagate in a nutshell
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
and if you don’t get that that’s the best dad joke ever…. well 🤷🏼♀️
but the boss doesn't think he's fit enough. He tells the boss he is able to cut down any tree in a single swing. To prove this, he goes outside, hits a five foot tree with his axe, and it falls over. The boss is impressed. The old man then repeats this with a ten foot tree. Then a thirty foot tree. Finally, he takes his axe up to an 80 foot redwood, swings, and the giant tree comes tumbling down. The boss is amazed, and asks the man how he learned to do that. The man says "I practiced in the Sahara forest." "Don't you mean the Sahara desert?" The boss asks. "Well yes," says the old man, "that's what they call it now."
I barely qualify.
"Nice Jimmy Choo."
Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00, and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It said: Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.
Bless her, she still thinks I’m digging a pond.
Haven't heard from him since.
A magician stood in front of a crowd and claimed that he could disappear. He counted, “Uno..dos..” and was suddenly gone.
He disappeared without a tres.
Went to the doctors the other day and said ‘ I’m having loads of trouble hearing people when they speak’
Doctor said ‘ right ok. Can you describe the symptoms?’ I said ‘yeah Marge has blue hair and homer is a fat bloke’
They keep telling me I have an outstanding balance
If I would get to be the dad of a son, I'd name him Jason so on the moment of his birth I can get up and shout: "Jesus Christ, it's Jason, born!"
Now I just have beer
It really makes my day.
She said "it's my husband!. Quick, try the backdoor!" Thinking back, I really should have ran but you don't get offers like that every day.
My Pop Tarts got stuck in the toaster.
To take a photo in front of a church.
Because he is a PM, not an AM
I was having anal sex with my girlfriend and suddenly her dad barged through the door and she screamed "Dad, I'm sorry!" Then he turned to me and asked, "Are you fucking Sorry?"
Happy Father's Day!
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Because she was stuffed.
Say 'Gucci Gucci Gucci'