(OC Repost, now with image!) Am I doing this right?
That my only greeting is from a microwave.
He was good at finding solutions to inequalities.
Sinko de mayo !!!!!!!
My wife and I are finally visiting San Francisco to fulfill my lifelong dream of seeing the Golden Gate in person.
Her: What would you do when we see it? Me: Let’s cross that bridge when we get there.
but after spending time on Reddit, I'm apparently well adjusted and normal.
They said, “Maybe you should check your junk.”
It was a play on words
“Oh no!”, the man says, “my wife’s gonna kill me if she knows I got this drunk!” His friend tells him “don’t worry it’ll be fine – just put ten dollars in your shirt pocket and tell her someone else did it and paid for it to get cleaned.” “Brilliant!”, says the man and he goes home. Wife sees him and says “ohh honey look what you’ve done! You’ve been sick everywhere! I can’t believe you got this drunk.” “Noo”, the man says, “it was someone else and look, to prove it there’s ten dollars in my shirt pocket from the guy who did it to go get it cleaned.” “But there’s twenty dollars in here…” she points out “I know,” he says, “he also shit in my pants.”
Just so I can say the words “Your Honor, clearly my client is not a flight risk.”
Homework time.. complaining, I don’t wanna, etc. Me: Nicky, I’m getting upset. Nicky: Well, hello, Getting Upset, I’m Nicky. Then he dabbed and walked away. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this.
Children of the quarn.
Too many Maine characters.
You're a multicellular organism.
The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up to Dave's house and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died" Dave replied, "Well, then just give me my money back" The farmer said, "Can’t do that. I went and spent it already" Dave said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse" The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?" Dave said, "I’m going to raffle him off" The farmer said, "You can’t raffle off a dead horse!" Dave said, "Sure I can, Watch me. I just won’t tell any body he’s dead" A month Later, the farmer met up with Dave and asked, "What happened with that dead horse?" Dave said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at five dollars a piece and made a profit of $2495" The farmer said, "Didn’t anyone complain?" Dave said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his five dollars back"
It makes scents, if you think about it.
An 85-year-old man was told by the Doctor that he needed a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a sperm sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. 'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, the with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. "We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbour?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
But it's harder to deter gents. I'll let myself out.
Why? Because everything here is recycled. To everyone on r/Jokes, thank you so much for doing your part in saving the environment!
He just came out of the closet.
He was sentenced to death
And a Czech one too. And a Czech one too.
Just another good thing ruined by a period.