Oh boi
A guy with bad gas goes to the doctor
He says βdoc, you gotta help me. I canβt stop farting. Itβs the weirdest thing, they donβt smell, and thereβs no sound, but they wonβt stop. Iβve farted 5 times while telling you this and see, you didnβt even noticeβ The doc writes him a prescription and says βtake this and come back in a week. A week later the guy comes back and says βDoc, those pills didnβt stop the farts. All they did was make them smell terrible. I can hardly stand itβ The doctor replied βGood. Now that your sinuses are cleared up letβs work on your hearingβ
Why can’t you trust an atom?
Because they make up literally everything.
Fun fact you canβt breath while smiling.
Just kidding I just wanted to make you smile π
teacher: what are 2, 4, 6, 8, 10…?
steven: even numbers stephen: ephen numbers
My friend said that all bartenders are boring, which was a bit cynical in my eyes.
I think they're intoxicating people.
I lift weights only on Saturday and Sunday…
…because Monday to Friday are weak days…
How come the stadium got hot after the game?
Because all of the fans left.
What’s brown and sits on a piano stool?
Beethoven's final movement
I walked into a room full of men masturbating
They all looked shocked when I didn't stop
What do you call a state when it gets married?
Missus-sippi. (buh-dum, tss)
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I’m charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
Experts say Donald Trump been setting an outstanding example during the Covid-19 outbreak
28 consecutive press briefings spent washing his hands
What do bees say to psych themselves up at the start of their day?
"Leeeeeetttttssss get rrrrrrrrrready to Buuuuuuummmmmmmmmmbbbbbbllllllleeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!"
I went to Borders and asked the blonde for a book about turtles
She said 'hardback?' So I replied, 'yeah, with 4 legs and little heads'
My girlfriend told me that she’s leaving because I’m too immature…
Good luck with that, the floor's made of lava.
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge. "I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen." "I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away." "I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy." "I should be in charge," said the legs, " ;because I carry the body wherever it needs to go." "I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes." "I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because Im responsible for waste removal." All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss. The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work… The ass hole is usually in charge.
Is this sub still active?
There hasnβt been a post all year. Happy New Years from New Zealand
How much does a socially awkward penguin weigh?
Not enough to break the ice.
What do you call a group of unvaccinated children?
A Plagueround