An old man placed an order for one hamburger, french fries and a drink. He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife…
He then carefully counted out the french fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them were looking over and whispering. Obviously, they were thinking, "That poor old couple…all they can afford is one meal for the two of them." As the man began to eat his fries, a young man came to the table and politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple. The old man said, they were just fine, they were used to sharing everything. People closer to the table noticed the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them. This time the old woman said, "No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything." Finally, as the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked, "What is it you are waiting for?" She answered, "THE TEETH!"
Because only thyme will tell.
It can offer a whole lot more.
At first it's boring, but later on, it's riveting!
It's been 3 weeks and I have not heard from him since.
They got all excited and asked me if I could drive a truck
he won the no-bell prize!
A patient bursts into his therapist’s office and shouts, “Doc, you gotta help me. I keep dreaming that I’m trapped in a deck of cards!”
The therapist turns from his current patient and says, "I'm busy now. I'll deal with you later."
They saw our review. 1 star
I guess it’s going to take another few reads before this sinks in.
"They just eat what bugs them."
Astronaut 1: "I want to make coffee but I can't find any milk." Astronaut 2: "In space, no one can. Here, use cream."
…is it still stationary?
They fit like a glove
I wish I could post this in another subreddit.
With 2-in-1 shampoo.
So after 24 hours, I called it a day!
Oh wait, my bad. That wasn’t my waiter.
They gave me another one, free of charge.
All the girls in my area suddenly lost their interest in me.
A gallon of water. Butane is lighter fluid.
I took its shell off to see if it would go any faster. If anything it just made it more sluggish
It 100% totally work's now i don't give a fuck about that bitch.
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A murderer who had poisoned his victims with iron supplements eventually and inadvertantly poisoned himself.
When he realized his mistake, he immediately called the police and confessed to all of the killings before laying down upon his death bed awaiting his own end, the same end that he had inflicted upon so many others. News media quickly came to the hospital and the killer was eventually asked two questions by two seperate reporters, one question following the other so quickly that he could not respond to the first before hearing the second. The first reporter asked, "How did the coffee taste that tipped you off into realizing you had poisoned yourself?" Where the second reporter blurted out, "How would you describe this situation where you have killed yourself by the very means you used to kill others?" The murderous man only responded once before breathing his last breath: "Irony," he replied.
Guess you could say I’m now… Illegally Blonde
Dad: Looks like you got them all cut.
If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
A literalist takes things literally. A kleptomaniac takes things, literally.
In a cult, there is a person that knows that all of it is bullshit but in a religion, that person is long dead.