oh my god ha ha
A clitoris only tastes like piss for a second.
I simply told her we use names here
It's gonna take me a while to get hard; I got laid earlier today
But I just wasn't a big fan.
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
I just don't buy it.
There were red flags all over the place
Police are combing the area.
Except for the movie Up. He's never gonna give you Up.
My wife is happy with COVID-19. I must not kiss nor hug anybody, always keep a safe distance and avoid public places and social occasions.
To be honest, she was always happy with her Redditor husband.
They're always getting laid.
The boy keeps repeatedly saying," If my mom was a cow and my dad was a bull, I'd be a little calf.…" "If my mom was a hen and my dad was a chicken, I'd be a little chick. If my mom was a deer and my dad was a buck, I'd be a little deer. If my mom was a duck and my dad was a goose, I'd be a little duckling." The annoyed bus driver stops the bus and turns to the boy saying, "What if your mom was a drunk and you dad was a bum?" The boy responds, "Then I'd be a bus driver."
But then I got married.
Remains to be seen
Slow down and possibly use lubricant
Is that you have the rest of your life to fix it.
But it’s definitely up there.
Because Dawn is tough on Greece.
Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance
Why must it be a group activity?
They grab a table and sit down, so the bra says it'll get the first round. It goes up to the bartender and says "3 beers please mate" Bartender replies "no way, you're off your tits and your mates are going to start something"
I told her no. I can't stand high maintenance women.
That guy really put the douche in fiduciary responsibility.
When you run after the car, you get exhausted. If you run in front of it, you'll get tired.
The plot thickens.
Nature’s biggest fan
It's left me scratching my head to be honest.
Because he needed 3² meals a day.
Instead, they got: French Industry, American culture, and British cuisine
A light snack
Hey! That's a salt!
3 vampires are having a competition to prove who's the most vicious vampire among them. The strongest one started 1st, "watch this," He said as he flies so fast, about 100 miles/hour. After only 10 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth. "what happened?" they asked. "did you see that house over there?" "yes?" "well.. I killed the entire family and sucked the blood dry!" "wow!? fascinating, as expected from the strongest vampire" Then the eldest one takes the next turn "watch and learn," he said as he flies even faster, about 120 miles/hour. After only 5 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth and his neck. "what happened??" they asked. "did you see that village over there?" "ye..yes?" "well.. I killed every last person on that village and sucked the blood dry!" "wow!? magnificent! truly amazing, we can expect no less from the eldest one!" Finally the last turn belongs to the fastest one, "don't blink or you'll miss it" he said as he flies really fast, even faster than the other two, about 140 miles/hour. After only a mere 30 seconds, he comes back with blood all over his mouth, his neck, and his nose. "wh..what happened???" they asked. "did you see that big ass tree over there?" "ye..yes?!" "well.. I didn't"
Frenchman: "This one is called Un, this one Deux, this one Trois, Quatre, Six, Se–" Tourist: "Hold on, why is there no number 5?" Frenchman: "It Cinq"
I would tell you, but it’s a little condescending.