Oh no, they’re at it again…
There was an explosion at a French cheese factory
De brie everywhere.
Question: “What do people usually do first when they wake up?”
Shawn: "Yawn." Shaun: "Yaun." Sean: "Yean."
Jon Cooper, Chairman of the Democratic Coalition, getting Donnie together on Twitter.
https://ift.tt/2O8FFsJ
Her: Atleast invite me out to dinner.
Him: I don’t go out with married women, sorry. Her: But I am your wife? Him: I make no exceptions.
If I had a dime for every time I didn’t understand what’s going on.
I’d be like, “Why y’all keep giving me all these dimes?”
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet ?
Because they lactose
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates.
I’ve got my corduroy pants, my corduroy shirt, and my corduroy hat…
One more piece of clothing and I’ll be one whole Roy!
How do you turn a joke into a dad joke?
You make the punchline apparent.
What kind of fur do you get from a werewolf?
As fur away as you can get.
If Russia were to revert back to the Soviet Union than…
I guess it would be a Soviet reunion
The protests in Hong Kong have been continuous for 160 days, proving the country does not belong to China.
Because nothing made in China has ever lasted more than a week.
I had a dream I was looking for my brain
But it was all in my head.
RIP boiling water. You will be mist :(
No text found
Sergeant: “Smith! I didn’t see you at camouflage practice today!”
Private Smith: “Thank you, Sir!”
I saw a movie about tarantulas in my chemistry class.
I'm never stepping foot in that room again.
Do you need an ark?
I Noah guy.
Please stop with the dad jokes until this pandemic is over.
Let's all just stick to inside jokes for now.
I hate negative numbers.
I will stop at nothing to avoid them
i’m so sorry
Q: what did the scientist say when they found 2 isotopes of helium? A: HeHe
Shredded cheese was a great invention.
People were really grateful.
I used to have three children, until an accident happened.
I now have four.
What do Japanese cannibals eat?
Raw men
I write songs about sewing machines…
I’m a Singer songwriter.
A wind turbine asked his friend what music he liked.
"I'm a big metal fan."
I used to feel like a man trapped inside a woman’s body
Then I was born
What did the police do when they caught the thief stealing the desserts from the bakery?
They took him into custardy
Why do skeletons never take any risks?
Because they have no guts.
Dad, I feel fat and ugly… Give me a compliment…
Dad: You have good eyesight !
Three Logicians walk into a Bar…
The waitress asks: "Does everyone want beer?" The first logician replies: "I don't know." The second logician says: "I don't know." Finally, the third logician answers: "YES, we all want beer!"
Now that people are isolated and bored they make a lot more dad jokes
It's a true pundemic