Oh yes this is the kind of humor I’m into bro
The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
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A horse walks into a bar. The bar tender says “Hey.”
The horse says "Sure."
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He sipped his coffee before it was cool
What is a Math Teacher’s favorite superhero?
FOUR, GOD OF NUMBERS!
I can’t believe how many people don’t understand erectile dysfunction.
I mean, it's not hard.
Two faced
When my daddy first seen me, he said "oh look, he's got my smile". Mom said "That's his backside, turn him over."
I ordered a thesaurus online, but when it arrived and I opened it, the whole book was empty, all pages blank!
There are no words to describe how mad I am!
Here’s a joke about my browser history:
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I was thinking of going as a band-aid for Halloween, but then decided against it.
It would be really hard to pull off.
What’s your favorite thing about Switzerland?
I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
Did you know that if you get really close to a lighter flame…
…it smells like burnt nose hair?
Me: Did you know that abbreviating names might be sometimes confusing?
GF: Really? Me: Yes. George Foreman: How so?
I’m good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know why.
I got fined $50 for sneaking popcorn and a drink into the movie theater.
It's ok though, it still saved me money.
Two years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf.
I haven't heard from him since.
What is a geographers favourite genre of music?
World music
Looks like October is…. Octover
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If Dodge made an electric car…
Would it be called a Dodge Chargeable
If lightning always follows the path of least resistance
Why doesn't it only strike in France?
I had a dream that I was a muffler last night.
I woke up exhausted.
As a kid I always thought a snail would move faster without its shell…
But they only became more sluggish
With great reflexes comes great response ability
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I don’t like to brag, but I have a huge sex drive.
It's almost up to 5 TB.
A guy sits down in a diner and asks for a bowl of hot chili…
The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl". He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?" The other guy says, "No. Help yourself". He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about half way down, his spoon hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl. The other guy says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got, too".
What did the mamma llama say to the baby llama said he was out of lunch money?
"Alpaca lunch for you”
Four men are stranded with nothing but cigarettes on a boat with no way to light them
So they throw one cigarette off board, and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter
Is an entire TV show a valid “boomer humor” submission? Because this show is awful.
https://ift.tt/2XamZh8
What do you call a Dog with no legs?
Why bother? They won't come anyways.
I always used to wonder why golfers would shout “fore”…
Then it hit me.