The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately.
"Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, hot and sexy, female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat old slob who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous!" The captain responds, "Patricia, I've told you this before. This is Air Force One…"
I replied "I think it's gonna be a long, long time"
I’m so pissed off I didn’t think of that quote first.
So I added some fruit and lemonade to it, and now she sangria than ever.
we were having a drink and I said to him "Do you ever get fed up of us Westerners saying that all Chinese people look the same"? He replied "Kim's at the bar getting drinks, I'm his wife"
There were two white christian men, John and Mike, whose plane crashed into a desert. Luckily they survived unharmed. As they traveled through the hot desert looking for food and water, they gave up and sat down, thinking of what to do. As the dust in the air settled, they suddenly could view a mosque ahead. They became very hopeful. But then John said ''Muslims are there. They might help us if we say we are Muslim.'' Then Mike said ''No way, I won't say I'm Muslim, I'm gonna be honest''. So John and Mike went to the Mosque ahead and were greeted by an Arab Muslim, who asked what their names were. John thought of a Muslim name and said, 'My name is Muhammad'. And Mike said 'My name is Mike'. The Arab man said 'Hello Mike.' And told these other men to take Mike and give him food and drink. Then he turned to John and said, 'Salaam Muhammad. Ramadan Mubarak! (Hello Muhammad, Happy Ramadan)
But my wife said that was irrational.
He tried to walk on ice before it was cool
They don't want to be spotted.
Because if it had 4 doors it’d be a chicken sedan.
No wait, she's back. She just went to get coffee.
Last night, I went to a Christmas party. I had a few beers, then a few cocktails, then a few shots … I still had the sense to know I was over the limit. That’s when I decided to do why I have never done before: I took a cab. Sure enough, there was a police DUI checkpoint on the way home, and since it was a cab they waved me through. I arrived home safely and without incident. This was both a great relief and a surprise because I had never driven a cab home before. I don’t even know where I got it from, and now that it’s in my garage, I don’t know what to do with it.
But China got it right off the bat.
I responded, “That’s not right.” With a scowl, she pulled up google and proved to me that the earth is, in fact, tilted at a 23.5 degree angle. “Precisely,” I agreed. “If the angle were right it would be 90°.”
He exchanges C¥10,000 and gets US$1,500. The next day, he exchanges another C¥10,000, but gets only US$1,499. He asks why. The exchange clerk says, “Fluctuations.” The Chinese guy is shocked for a moment, and yells back, “Fluctuamelicans!”
But I ain’t no snitch.
Repost a popular joke from yesterday, It’s a piece of cake.
-Which one of you fucked my wife??!! Some guy in the crowd says: – you should bring more bullets
Remains to be seen.
You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish
I’ve got to say I’m disappointed to see so many of you here
I've been living here for 300 years and i havnt noticed shit.
'it's a coughy filter.'
I was so embarrassed when my wife found out that I was playing with my son’s train set that I threw a bedsheet over it.
I managed to cover my tracks.
It’s fucking Frozen
How? I took a day off
There isn't a home page