– It's about time!
It's going to be a play on words.
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
That would be admitting that 2021
But it's a whisk I'm willing to take.
By shear coincidence
Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, “My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!” The bartender inquired, “What makes you say that?”
“Last week,” Bill explained, “I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman or mailman came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”
It was like taking a baby from Candy.
You can see right through 'em.
Every time on person sneezes, 10 people around them shit themselves.
But it’s not hard.
A guy goes into a drug store looking for some disinfectant. He walks up to an employee in a white uniform and asks her "Excuse me, do you sell any products here that will kill the Corona Virus?" She says, "ammonia cleaner". . . He replies, "Oh sorry to bother you, I thought you were a pharmacist."
Dad to be:"Actually, we'd like him to keep his liver"
^ That's a one in a million.
…he had a dream, and in that dream Trump got his huge military parade after all, complete with hundreds of thousands of cheering, flag-waving people lining the streets. "Was I smiling?" Trump asked. "I don't know," the aide replied. "It was a closed casket."
As long as you're poor
Sometimes it is better to just walk away from things and go back to them later when you’re in a better frame of mind.
While it's true, that's how I lost my job as a surgeon.
Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean
The letter G
It was a play on words.
"Dad where have you been?"
He was a herbefor
IT'S FUCKING R/AWW , YOU IDIOT!
A carrot. (I'll show myself out…)
There was just too much history between us.
An egg and a sausage are frying in a pan. The egg turns to the sausage and says, "It's getting hot in here!", and the sausage replies "Wow! A talking egg!"
Because the trees can speak for themselves
They wouldn’t let me buy anything specifically.
A spare, I guess
I said yeah fine and remember to slam the door on my cock on the way out.
Nothing, they were stuck up cunts
They sometimes get elected.
Chicken, vegetable, and beef. You’ll be a bouillonaire in no time.
But I can never get a straight answer.
I was going to wait till we got home, but the little shit dropped the pizza.
He asks, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
I told my contractor I didn't want carpet on the steps. He gave me a blank stair.
a spear, I guess.
“They just seem really shady.”
…makes the game Monopoly.