Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent
the carpenter who was nailed to some wood
A farmers cock is getting old, so he decides to buy another younger one. When the new cock is put into the pen with the other chickens, the old cock says to him "I own all these hens, they all will only sleep with me, but I am old, I will give them to you if you grant my last wish before I die" The young cock is desperate to sleep with all these hens, and respects the old chickens last wish, so he agrees. "I want you to fuck me like I am one of them, I've always been curious what it's like, but there's never been another cockerel around" The young rooster is a little put off, but agrees all the same, so he mounts him and starts going when suddenly there is a loud bang, and the young rooster drops dead The farmer puts down his shotgun and says "fuck sake, that's the third gay rooster I've bought this month"
The zookeeper told me it was bread in captivity
I'm the real part.
otherwise, it's just sparkling isolation
You would think “R,” but it’s actually the “C.”
Because they have no troubleshooting.
But I never get a straight answer.
Wasn't my first choice for a nickname, but I can live with it…
Then I could sleep longer.
A small medium at large.
Because you’ll get jurasskicked.
After graduating from high school, my daughter moved away from home to study at university. She sent this letter home to me…
Dear Dad, University i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply ¢an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, your $usie. I immediately replied back… Dear Susie, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad
Their careers were in ruins.
Last night in jail, they gave us mint chocolates for dessert. I thought they’d be be gross, but they were actually pretty good…
Turns out that in-prison mint isn't as bad as I expected!
A garbage truck
To convince women sweeping was a sport.
Because it has a nice ring to it
…where he finds an old chief who claims that he remembers everything that has ever happened in his life. The tourist is curious and asks the chief "What did you have for breakfast on your 5th birthday?" Without hesitation the chief replies "eggs". Impressed, he continues his vacation and returns home. Ten years later, he returns to the reservation and is surprised to see the same old chief again. He approaches the chief, puts his hand up flat and greets him with "how". The old chief simply replies "scrambled".
She had the nerve to spit it out on the floor.
My parents were very against the idea of me getting a tattoo. Eventually they conceded and said that I just had to make sure I got one somewhere not important.
Bit of a pain to travel to Ohio just for a tattoo.
I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
But I got bored and quit because it was just one ting after another.
The other says “Yes, i think it’s these wicker chairs”.
Girls develop tits around the age of thirteen, boys develop them around the age of forty.
They're so full of themselves…
Seriously, how low can you go?
they'd eventually find me attractive.
Nobody else knew until they found his head and shoulders in the glove box.
I always say, "No, thank you. I'm not interested. But thank you for considering me, good day."
Apparently I was only supposed to choose one…
I was having a bad day so I bought a bottle of vodka,gin and whisky and put them in an elevator and sent them to the top floor. Didn’t have a good reason,
Just needed something to lift my spirits
That was two years ago, but he still hasn’t finished his sentence