For Hispanic attacks
The people in Dubai don't like the Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi do.
One happened to put the letter T into a toy stacking cup I was holding. I tried to give it to him but he didn't want it. So I turned to my other son and said, "Hmm, guess it's not his cup of T". Neither 3yo got it so I had to tell someone.
During the funeral, his mother walks towards the director and says, "Jesus died for your scenes."
They prefer the term "mid-life crisis"
As the couple approach the altar the priest steps up and gives the best speech anyone has ever heard. He's full of confidence, incredibly expressive and has everyone in fits of laughter! After the vows, the priest is extremely shy and barely says a word to anyone. The groom approaches the him and asks, "why are you so shy? You seemed like a different person when you were giving that speech!" "I know…" Says the priest, "but that was just my altar ego".
I’m longing to become a Petty Officer.
I learned next to nothing
There used to be 2 of them and now it’s a touchy subject
I wish tinder had it too.
To cover its butt quack
Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why.
If generosity was the only criteria required for heaven all halogens would be in hell
A dangerous, digital age unspoken disease! Watch NOW!
It 100% totally work's now i don't give a fuck about that bitch.
I only have my shelf to blame.
As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"
"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?" After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front. "One dollar!" she said. The teacher, conflicted on why the girl can't add, explained to her and the whole class how adding 1+5 works. At the end of class, the students were dismissed. A staff member oversaw the whole thing, and approached the teacher. "What the hell were you thinking asking that type of question?" the staff member asked. "What? I just asked them how much money 1+5 is- They couldn't even answer it!" "You said their parents gave them five dollars." "Yeah, so?" "You work at an orphanage, you moron!"