It's amazing what 7 jokes can do
A ban from the petting zoo.
It's like luck, but with more force.
A metalhead \M/
My dad said in a dead serious quiet voice "I know something you don't know about this place. The people living in this town aren't allowed to be buried here." And I was really confused, so I asked why. He said "because they are still alive."
You flip it over and it becomes capsized.
You ask him nicely
It's fine to have one and it's fine to be proud of it, but please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around… and PLEASE don't try to shove it down my child's throat.
It's really irrational.
But, smoking bacon will cure it.
Let’s meet up and share a joint. Credit: my dad
Just to let her know I was thinking of her.
"I'll have H2O," says the first. "I'll have H2O, too," says the second. The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.
I'm okay but I went into bananaphylactic shock.
They can't have their nose and eat it too.
A Jew and an Arab go into a bakery. The Arab immediately steals three pastries and puts them in his pocket.
He says to the Jew, “See how good I am? The owner didn’t see a thing.” The Jew says to the Arab, “That’s typical of you Arabs. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result.” He goes to the owner of the bakery and says, “Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick.” Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. The Jew swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then the Jew swallows that one and asks for a third pastry and eats that, too. The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, “So what did you do with the pastries?” The Jew replies, “Look in the Arab’s back pocket…”
On the upside, it’s buttered. But on the downside, it’s not.
-Which one of you fucked my wife??!! Some guy in the crowd says: – you should bring more bullets
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
It became a prime number against all odds.
But they couldn't be more wrong. So far I've made two jugs and a vase.
Well, well, well…