A dart board on a ceiling.
now it’s called edison
So I told him, “C4 yourself”
Cause people are dying to get in
… for breakfast.
An algae- bra
You either have to live with twice the number of dad jokes or you get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mum."
"I want my guitar back."
I like them alot. EDIT: Thank you all for the upvotes. EDIT2: Thank you for the gold kind stranger!
It was the least I could do!
Because it wasn't even remote-ly funny.
He went to the retail store
On the dark side… This joke was a little forced.
When the punchline is a parent.
"No, I'm not. And stop calling me Ted!"
They’re both super temperamental, and seem to have an issue with me streaming porn to the bedroom.
I’m pleased to announce reddit has achieved its goal in becoming one of the top 10 green companies in the world.
The front page is now made up of over 90% recycled content.
An elementary teacher asks her students what they did during recess. Teacher: Johnny what did you do doing recess? Johnny: I played in the sandbox. Teacher: Okay, if you can write the word "sand" on the board, you get a cookie. Johnny writes "sand" and gets his cookie. Teacher: Alright Suzie, what did you do? Suzie: I played in the sandbox with Johnny. Teacher: Okay, if you can write the word "box" on the board, you get a cookie. Suzie writes "box" and gets her cookie. Teacher: Jamal, what did you do? Jamal: Well, I tried to play with Johnny and Suzie, but they kicked sand in my face. Teacher: Oh no, that sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can write "blatant racial discrimination" on the board, you get a cookie.
I told her "No, I'm going to put it up in the living room."
"You're going to pay a big fine for all those fish in your bucket" But, officer, I didn't catch these — they are my pet fish and I just bring them here to swim. When they're done they jump back into the bucket. "Oh really? This I've got to see. If you can prove it, I'll let you go." The fisherman empties the bucket into the lake and waits patiently. A few minutes go by and nothing happens. Game warden: So where are the fish? Fisherman: What fish?
If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
It was a bit boring.
But then I decided, “Eh, I’ll just do it.”
But then it grew on me.
Actually it's probably more of a knight mare.
Sadly, I was in the women’s bathroom.
The Pencil has a point.
I wouldnt mind, but I was only 30 minutes late.
My mate Dave’s always been the kind of bloke that gets stressed over everything, but lately he doesn’t seem like he’s got a care in the world.
“Why are you so laid back all of a sudden?” I asked him. “I’ve hired a professional to worry about all my problems for me,” he replied. “Only costs me a grand a week.” “A grand a week? How the hell are you going to afford that?” I asked. “Fuck knows. That’s his problem.”