Ok then. - Joke Jet

My wife asked my if sex has changed since I got my vasectomy

I just tell her I hadn't noticed a vas deferens

What does a frog do with a piece of paper?

Rip it! 6 year old son just came up with this. I'm sure he's not the first to think of it, but he came up with it on his own and i got a good chuckle out of it. 🙂

At least the toddler is putting in some effort.

https://ift.tt/36pLis9

We’ve done it boy pack up the internet

Why did the pianist get arrested?

Because he was fingering minors.

If you die from inhaling muffler fumes…

Do you die from exhaustion?

Even sober I’d fail that sobriety test

NSFW Hurr durr, decent payment is a joke. Poverty is not my problem until I face it in the streets as it annoys me with asking for spare-change. Also erect penis next to my kid.

https://ift.tt/2DBnNAM

Some people have money, some people have class,

I think this will have to be my new favorite shirt.

https://ift.tt/32Dww03

7000 years ago humans domesticated the banana

Wow, I just passed my probability exam.

What were the chances of that?

Putin visits Estonia

Immigration officer says: "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin". "Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia". "Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".

Haha made my day so funny 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

My husband once bought me a dress two sizes too small to encourage me to lose weight so I could fit into it.

When he gave me the dress, he said that he was "looking forward to seeing you in it." So for his birthday, I bought him a coffin.

A wine to solve old people problems

https://ift.tt/2NxyfOU

The Scroll of Truth Never Lies!

https://ift.tt/2XiUWtR

What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?

Erotic is when you use a feather, kinky is when you use the whole chicken.

My dad used to say “when one door closes another one opens”

He's a great man… Rubbish cabinet maker though.

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration. 'What troubles you, Sister?' asked the Mother Superior. 'I thought this was the day you spent with your family.' 'It was,' sighed the Sister. 'And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.' 'I seem to recall that,' the Mother Superior agreed. 'So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?' 'Far from it,' snorted the Sister. 'In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!' 'Goodness, Sister!' gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. 'You must tell me all about it!' 'Well, we were on the fifth tee…and this hole is a monster, Mother -540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green…and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted…and it hits a bird in mid-flight !' 'Oh my!' commiserated the Mother. 'How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!' 'No, that wasn't it,' admitted Sister. 'While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods, grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!' 'Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!' sympathized the Mother. 'But I didn't, Mother!' sobbed the Sister. 'And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!' 'So that's when you cursed,' said the Mother with a knowing smile. 'Nope, that wasn't it either,' cried the Sister, anguished, 'because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!' Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said.. 'You missed the Goddamn putt, didn't you?'

[NSFW] Squeeze and Tug

A husband and wife were lying in bed trying to decide how to tell when the other one wanted to do the deed. The wife turned to the husband and said, “If I’m in the mood to get frisky, I’ll put your hand on my boob. If you too are in the mood, squeeze once for yes. If not, squeeze twice for no.” The husband said, “And if I’m interested, I’ll put your hand on my penis. All you have to do is tug once for yes, and tug 537 times for no.”

we’ll we’ll we’ll…

…if it isn’t autocorrect.

I am getting so sick of millennials and their attitude.

Always walkin around like they rent the place.

I was going to post a time travel joke but…..

Nobody thought it was funny.

A German tourist jumped in the freezing water to save my dog who was drowning…

After he climbed out he handed me the dog and said "here is ze dog, keep him varm and dry him off he vill be fine", I said "are you a vet?", He replied "vet? I'm fucking soaking!"

My chemistry teacher asked me :

Teacher: What’s the monomer of rubber? Me: Is it monobber?

A teenager, who just turned 18, desperately wants a car.

His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennssine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures. The teen replied: RePOsTs are the fastest way to car, Ma.