Ok then, don’t if you don’t want to

What do you call a hen who counts her eggs?
A mathemachicken
Trump should not have said “shit-hole countries”.
The correct term is "Turd World Countries".
Guys, to be frank
I would have to change my name.
Our new librarian is very polite and I think she is Italian…
I've just taken a book back that was months overdue but, rather than charging me, she just said, "That's-a-fine."
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
5. 1 to change the bulb and 4 to shoot the room up for being black
What are Mexicans built of?
Amigo acids
Why did the chicken go to the gym?
To work on his pecks
Having gay parents must be horrible
I mean you either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck into infinite loop of “go ask your mom”.
I walked in on my Grandma sucking grandads dick last night…
I dont know why it wasn't cremated with the rest of him?
A dyslexic walks into a bra
No text found
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until
they are flashing behind you.
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend…
…and chimney installations are through the roof!
My bald surgeon friend is the most charismatic guy I know.
He is a real smooth operator.
I just found out I was dating a communist..
I can’t believe I missed all the red flags
What did a Buddhist say to a hotdog vendor?
Make me one with everything.
Reddit has gone fully green to help the environment.
Their front page is made of 100% recycled material.
I was going to be a history teacher.
But I don't like living in the past.
I finally lost it with the hoarding!
Was just at Walmart and saw a man who’s cart was full of sanitizers soaps wipes and toilet paper. I called him a selfish bastard and gave him a low down on the elderly, moms, and people who really need those things. I told him he should be ashamed of himself. He said “Are you done? Cuz I really need to get back to stocking the shelves…”
It’s been 4 years since my last job interview
I’m beginning to suspect they got someone else
I decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I’m not big enough or strong enough
I’ve just handed in my Too weak notice.
Whats the difference between Me and a Calendar ?
a Calendar has dates.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
I need to get rid of my Theremin,
I haven't touched it in years.
Wanted: A man has been stealing wheels off of police cars
Police are working tirelessly to catch him.