Ok we have to stop believing that posting and commenting on an image is going to change the world
"G'day this is Tim, you've reached the Aussie help line. How can we help ya?" I told him, "We were in the ocean and my wife was stung by a jellyfish on her lady parts. Her vagina is completely swollen shut. It's our honeymoon, and well….ya know." The guy on the help line replies, "Ah, bummer mate!" I say, "I hadn't thought of that! Thanks for the advice. You've saved my honeymoon!"
They acts like they don’t exist until they want something.
Lets look at the board and I'll go through it again….
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
It's called Crystal Meh.
He also mentioned that condoms work 99% of the time.
Tuna half minutes!
He won the no bell prize
That is to say they are fucking hard. But the lady was very loud. So the next morning neighbour Jon tells the man: "Look Mike, I'm fine with the youngs having sex, but do you mind putting some tape over her mouth so the rest of us can get some sleep?" So Mike does. That night the young couple begins. After a while Mike calls out "This ok John?" "Yuuup! Fine!" After a while he calls again "This alright Johnny?" "Fiine, fine!" And a third time "This alright, pal?" "Mike! Take the ducktape off!" "What? Why?!" "The entire building thinks you're fucking me!!!"
that he is getting his instructions from Chuck Norris. Happy, B-Day
The more ohms you have, the greater the resistance.
Because it’s the first time he’s gotten the most votes.
You can't hear an enzyme.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
I went to 4 different ones and they all said insufficient funds!
I said: “What, like bacon and burgers?” He said, “No. fatty don’t eat anything.”
Granted I was a billionaire before I met her.
I have had a Canon printer for years.
6 months later she wakes up and asks the doctors about her baby. Doctor: you had twins! A boy and a girl. They are both healthy. Luckily, your brother was here and he named them. Woman: oh no, he is an idiot. What are their names? Doctor: the girls name is Denise Woman: okay, that’s not to bad, what about the boy? Doctor: Denephew
When it's full groan.
Me from the other room, "No, use a toothbrush".
The cooks a-salted everything
Whenever I’m sad my friend always says “cheer up man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole that is full of water”
I know he means well… Edit: WOAH! my first silver. Thank you anonymous stranger!
They knead the dough.
Nothing scares me