Okie dokie boomer
I just bought PornHub Premium.
And now there aren’t any horny milfs in my area that want to have sex with me anymore.
Where to buy potassium nitrate Canada
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My friend is getting rich by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
If my son refused to sleep during nap time …
Is he guilty of resisting a rest
Glenn and his wife were working in their garden one day when Glenn looks over at his wife and says, “Your butt is getting really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue.”
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measured the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom. "Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!" The wife chose to ignore the husband. Later that night in bed Glenn was feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie
What is it called when two flowers have an unplanned pregnancy?
An Oopsie-daisy!
I just saw the worlds biggest pair of glasses
It was quite the spectacle
A sheep dog tells her owner she found all fifty sheep. Her owner says that there should only be 46
The dog says, “but I rounded them up.”
There are are only 10 types of people:
Those who understand binary, and those who don`t
AMD employee FIGHTS INTEL and NVIDIA employees infront of FANBOYS!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNUMLH-diGw
What is this, some kind of Boomer joke that I’m too Millennial to understand?
https://ift.tt/2H77fSO
I decided to kill off a few characters in the book im writing.
It's really gonna spice up the autobiography.
I tried using “chicken” as a password but my PC said it must contain a capital
New password is “chickenkiev”
We’ll we’ll we’ll
If it isn't autocorrect
After you die, what part of you body is the last to stop working?
Your pupils. They dilate.
I like dating unfit people
But they just never work out
What’s brown and not very heavy??
Light brown.
Did you hear about the new restaurant on the mars?
The food is great but there’s not much atmosphere.
Failed to crosspost to r/kidsarefuckingstupid for some reason so here ya go guys
https://ift.tt/2OMnLfw
What do I do when my ice house falls apart?
Igloo it back together again.
How can you tell your girlfriend is getting fat?
She fits in your wife’s clothes
![Women bad (from Russian Boomers with love) [translated]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/jaa44pyha4e41-400x405.jpg)
My parents said that if I got a tattoo I’d have to get it in a place that didn’t matter…
So I got it in Appleton, Wisconsin.
My wife told me, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you mop or sweep in my life!”
Me: Floors are beneath me.
You hear a cancer joke and it makes you laugh…
… until you get it.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
You put a nipple on it
me: [flashlight under chin] they say a witch cursed this house 100 years ago today!
[100 years ago] witch: fuck this house
If someone can explain to me why my heating bills are so high..
..My door is always open.
When you have studied too much organic chemistry the past days and get this advertisement email
https://ift.tt/35x0iF1
I was driving with my dad when we passed a cemetery. My dad goes in a low, dark, creepy voice, “I know something about this cemetery that you don’t.” And I was like what is it? He continued, “The people living in this town can’t be buried here.” I was really confused so I asked why?
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
As a scarecrow, people say I’m out standing in my field…
But hay, it's in my jeans.
My girlfriend said, “I want a ring.”
I said, "Take your phone off silent." That's when the fight started.
I have a bunch of jokes about people who are unemployed.
But none of them work.
Remember when cosmetic surgery was a very taboo subject?
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody even raises an eyebrow.
Kid: what does a condom do?
Dad: nothing, apparently.
