OMG😂If this was real😂😂😂
It was the least I could do to help.
Well I’ll be damned.
It scares the shit out the dog.
You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve…
And a Czech one too, and a Czech one too.
But then I realized it would be a waist of time
Yeah, there is a small medium at large.
I asked her if she got a good deal on her new crop top, and she heard me from across the street. Her ears are brand new!
A senior figure secretly dispensing the contents of his sack for every child he can get to sounds pretty Catholic to me.
She seemed surprised.
The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead. The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some khakis that are hung out to dry, and puts on pants, a shirt, and a hat. He sits on a chair by the campfire and grabs a copy of the local paper, pretending to read, to hide his face. The lion enters the campsite and lets out a huge roar. He yells, "did anyone see a gorilla run through here?" The gorilla, in full disguise, calls out, "you mean the one that fucked the lion up the ass?" The lion exclaims, "oh my god! It's in the paper already?"
The Reign in Spain will stay mainly on his plane.
“Yours is one what?”
Educated and free.
All he ever does is talk about their skin…
so I went home.
Police have arrested a man for having sex with fruit, but they suspect a second perpetrator may still be at large.
The inspector released a statement saying "These people do tend to cum in pears."
Would that make the people who enjoy my music “Ceiling Fans”?
A few days after moving in, the friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy. He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard chasing about 10 hens. Not wanting to interrupt, he decides to put the welcome on hold for the day. The next day, he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinese man urinate into a glass and then drink it. Not wanting to interrupt he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day. A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the Chinese man leading a bull down the drive-way, and then put his left ear next to the bull’s butt. The American can’t handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says, “dude, what the hell is it with you? I come over to welcome you to the neighborhood, and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that bull’s butt, it could just about shit on you.” The Chinese man is very taken back and says, “Sorry sir, you no understand, these no Chinese customs I doing, these American customs.” “What do you mean? Those aren’t American customs.” “Yes they are,” Chinese replied. “Man at travel agent tell me to become true American, I must learn to chase chicks, get piss drunk, and listen to bullshit.”
they keep eating their bats…
My dad always said, “ Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”
… for putting her hair in a bun.
I hope it's just a phase.
“Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t for the life of me figure out how to put it together or how to get it started.” Her boyfriend asked, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?” The blonde said, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.” Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread out all over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, looked at the box, then turned to her and said, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.” He took her hand and said, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then. . .” he sighed, . . .“let’s put all of these Frosted Flakes back into the box.”
I am starting to finally understand why navy captains go down with the ship