“OMG, what’s going on? I can see through you.”
"My son told me he is transgender."
"That makes me transparent."
Now it's not a very beautiful poem… But it's quite deep
I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn’t walk for nearly a year. So check your facts.
…Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.
They ignore my existence unless they need something
A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence. After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it. The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away. Then he decided to look through the window. He shouted, "Do you think I'm stupid? I can see you in there, sir. Open the door." I said, "You're not coming in mate!" He said, "I don't want to come in, I just want you to step out of the car."
… Just had my Appendix removed.
When they asked what it meant, he said it was a thimble of friendship!
Inside jokes, only.
All he ever does is talk about their skin…
So i got her some diet pills.
When I thought to myself "Man…I'm fucking nuts."
Because he kisses his mother with that mouth
Bacon will kill you… But, smoking bacon will cure it.
If they groan, I say, “I think I took this joke too far.”
Shomething sheemsh Amish
Because he only comes once a year
My son got me good. I build websites for a living. He told me he didn’t like the one I was working on, and I should have let a spider do it.
You know. “Cause spiders are naturally good web designers.”
Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me whether I wanted to watch a movie. She said, “What do you want to see?”
Me: You pick. Her: You pick. Me: I don’t care which movie. You pick. Her: Sir, there are people behind you in line waiting to buy tickets.
Because they're all Targets.
Two thousand and eighteen.
Well, first it tied the records up, then it beat them…
I hope it doesn't run in the family because my dad has it too.