You should've seen her face when I drove pasta.
I call it my Trail Mix.
Because theyre not self-centered.
Since vampires are hurt by holy water, I always wondered why Priests don’t bless storm clouds and kill them from above. Then I realized why most vampires live in Europe
Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa
As they're knocking at the Pearly Gates, St Peter turns around and whispers… "Turn out the lights and everybody be quiet!! Maybe they'll think we're not home."
Him : I’m a programmer Her : Never mindProgrammersNeverSleep
Because he conditioned it.
It gave me thesaurus throat I ever had
My wife flashed before my eyes.
Crap! I mean dyslexia
I just don’t know the order of them
But apparently, I was too young…
A dead centipede
I always knew he liked them young, but that is fucking ridiculous.
And it’s discussing fucking.
But that’s a whisk I’m willing to take.
They did unspeakable things to her.
No! How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat!?
Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions. One said, "Think I enjoy the rodeo position the best." "I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy. "What is it?" "Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, 'These feel just like your sister's." Then you try to stay on for 8 seconds.
Mothers Against Dyslexia
It was like taking a baby from Candy.
I'm all ears
But I never get a straight answer.