On Father’s Day, I thanked my dad for his contribution to my birth.
He said it was his pleasure.
![Hi Welcome to Cher (Chili’s) Vine [20 views]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/no_image_card-63-400x247.png)
How does virgin olive oil become extra virgin olive oil?
After getting dating advice from a Redditor.
I spent a few hours by my wife’s grave today
She thinks I'm digging a pond
Hey Trump supporters, can I tell you a joke about the wall?
Never mind, you won’t get it.
The power went out in my house today.
I was delighted.
Y’know
I once lived a stone's throw away from a family that all died of mysterious head injuries.
My uncle used to breed and sell parakeets…
they were flying off the shelves but he switched to chickens and they didn't take off. So he tried ducks and then it was all bills, bills, bills.
Spiderman saves the day with help of a sad joke.
https://ift.tt/32dkF7K
The Island Joke.
There was an island with three kingdoms on it. Let's call them A, B and C. The island had a fresh water lake on it and the lake itself had an island. The three kingdoms always kept fighting over this island. One day the three kingdoms decided to settle this dispute once it for all and sent small portions of their armies. Kingdom A sent 15 knights and 25 squires; kingdom B send 20 knights and 25 squires and Kingdom C sent one knight and one squire. The knights decided among themselves that this fighting was beneath them and decided to let the squires settle things by themselves. While the squires of Kingdom A and Kingdom B were warming up, the squire of Kingdom C erected a tall pole, tied a noose to it and hung a pot in the noose. When they actually started fighting, the squire of kingdom C was able to successfully fight off all the other squires, because the squire of the high-pot-and-noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
The Police
Police:Where do you live? Percy: With my mum Police:Where does your mum live? Percy: With me Police: Where do you both live? Percy: Together Police: Where is your house? Percy: Next to my neighbor's Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Percy: If I told you, you wouldn't believe me Police: Tell me Percy: Next to my house
Reason why you should take up marathon training
It will help you in the long run.
Cop 1: This seems racially motivated.
Cop 2: Hate crime? Cop 1: Of course I hate crime, moron. That’s why I’m a cop.
What kind of school do belly buttons go to?
Navel academies.
A pirate goes to a doctor, worried that the moles on his back might be cancerous. The doctor inspects them.
"It's ok," he says. "They're benign." The pirate replies "Check 'em again matey, I think there be at least ten!"
The coronavirus is a lot like a kinky sex life:
I don't mind having it, but I'm scared my parents have it too.
There’s nothing like the first floor of a house. But the upstairs…
Well that’s a different story.
My wife yelled at me to put the toilet seat down
I can’t even remember why I was carrying it around
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes
You knock on the door.
I just realized, this sub doesn’t inherently make fun of boomer humor, it just compiles it.
Some boomer humor is actually good, some is wholeheartedly trash, but both sides of the spectrum exist, and both can be enjoyed.
George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio and Matthew McConaughey got together to make a movie…
Clooney said, "I'll produce." DiCaprio said, " I'll direct." McConaughey said, " I'll write, I'll write, I'll write."
Why did the mods of r/iamatotalpieceofshit cross the road?
To collect money from Joel Michael Singer.
A Boy was having sex with a girl on a Railway track
The train driver spots them and starts hooting but they ignore it. He applies brakes so hard and the train stops just a few yards away from the couple. Driver jumps from the engine and walks to the boy who just finished and is standing up and zipping up his pants. The driver shouts out to the boy "Do u realize that if I had not seen u, this would have been ur last f…!!! Boy -'Listen dude, you were coming, She was coming and I was coming, then I realised only You have Brakes.
How do you sneak up on celery?
You stalk it.
Whenever I go to bed I imagine I’m a cop
I go under cover.
Why isn’t PI fun at parties?
He just goes on forever
For Halloween, a classmate dressed up as a stormtrooper and shot up the school.
Don’t worry, no one got hurt.
I had my picture taken with the band R.E.M. once…
That's me in the corner.
The sky was looking ominous so I asked Siri, “Surely, it’s not going to rain again today?”
She replied, “Yes, it is and don’t call me Shirley!” I guess I left my phone in Airplane mode again…
I used to shave my scrotum with a straight razor.
But since I got Parkinson's, I don't have the balls to do it anymore.
Simon says
that he is getting his instructions from Chuck Norris. Happy, B-Day
After you die, what part of your body is the last to stop working?
Your pupils. They dilate.
I got some devastating news from the hospital today. My dad was pronounced dead.
I can’t believe I’ve been pronouncing it wrong all this time.
