On Father’s Day, I thanked my dad for his contribution to my birth.
He said it was his pleasure.
The Cringe is strong here “Hey everyone! I’m a programmer and this is a programmer shirt!”
https://ift.tt/36At2xd
What’s the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
The people in Dubai don't like The Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi dooooo!!!!!!!!!!
Want to know where I store all of my jokes?
In a dadabase….
Time flies like an arrow
Fruit flies like a banana.
A radio station was running a competition – words that weren’t in the dictionary yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali.
DJ: “96 FM here, what’s your name?” Caller: “Hi, my name’s Dave.” DJ: “Dave, what’s your word?” Caller: “Goan… spelt G-O-A-N pronounced ‘go-an’.” DJ: “You are correct, Dave, ‘goan’ is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?” Caller: “Goan fuck yourself!” The DJ cut the caller off and took other calls, all unsuccessful until: DJ: “96 FM, what’s your name?” Caller: “Hi, me name’s Jeff.” DJ: “Jeff, what’s your word?” Caller: “Smee, spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced ‘smee’.” DJ: “You are correct, Jeff, ‘smee’ is not in the dictionary. Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?” Caller: “Smee again! Goan fuck yourself!”
apparently you can’t use “beef stew” as a password
it’s not stroganoff.
I swallowed a dictionary.
It gave me thesaurus throat I ever had!
If Russia were to revert back to the Soviet Union than…
I guess it would be a Soviet reunion
My wife accused me of hating all of her relatives.
I told her "That is not true, in fact I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."
I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker
But when I got home all the signs were there.
My therapist warned me that I am getting addicted to downhill skiing.
She said, “It’s a slippery slope.”
I’m a pro at shoplifting candy bars. How, you ask?
I got a few Twix up my sleeve.
Due to the Covid crisis, the Indian bakery in my neighborhood is going through some tough times.
They fired all Naan essential staff.
What do you call Santa’s helpers?
Subordinate clauses.
Why is 77 better than 69?
You get 8 more!
This time next year you guys will be laughing about all the Coronavirus fears of today…
Not everyone of you, of course.
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line!
I got pulled over by the police yesterday
I was a bit nervous and a little flustered, so the policeman thought I was under the influence. He gave me a breath test, which I passed, but he was still not convinced. He then called in the sniffer dog, and when it arrived it promptly had a good sniff inside my vehicle. "Look here son", the policeman said to me, sternly. "This dog is telling me you have drugs on you" I looked at him, dead in the eye and said "mate, you're the one with the talking dog"
I starting wearing depressing outfits
It saves time on laundry, since a lot of the time they hang themselves.
The world ended when I kissed an alpaca.
It was the alpaca-lips.
If you have more than one cellphone,
You're a multicellular organism.
My sister bet me $15 that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti.
You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta.
When is a hen just following the letter W
No text found
Its not anal bleaching
It's changing your ring tone
If con is opposite of pro..
then is Congress the opposite of progress?
Little Timmy walked in on his parents having sex.
“Timmy! Close your eyes and leave!” Timmy’s mom yelled. “But… what were you doing?” Timmy asks. “Well, your father has big beer belly, so I was jumping up and down on him to flatten him out!” The mother responds, nervous. “Well, there’s no use in that.” “Well, why not?” “Because when you’re out shopping, the lady next door comes in and blows him back up!”
![[Laughs in Socialist]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/03/g3g3erkrwqk41-400x488.jpg)
If cold tea is called iced tea, and cold coffee is called iced coffee, what do you call cold ink?
… well then take a shower.
My Wife wore a “Vaccines cause autism” shirt
She was insulted, punched and spit on Not to imagine what would have happened if she left the house!
The New Year’s celebration at Times Square was pretty disappointing.
They really dropped the ball this time.
Do you know what I said to the person who was chasing me?
I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
I would like to make chemistry jokes on this subreddit
But all the good ones Argon
Why are so many Italians named Tony?
Because when they left the old country, immigration officers put a sticker on their lapel that read To NY.
I went to the zoo the other day and all they had was a dog
It was a shitzu
