Because he couldn't see that well
Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he un-jams it. People can get from place to place more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels. One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil what's up? The Devil says, "Things are great down here since you sent us an engineer." "What?" says God. "An engineer? I didn't send you one of those. That must have been a mistake. Send him upstairs immediately." The Devil responds, "No way. We want to keep our engineer. We like him." God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!" The Devil laughs. "Where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
I don't know, they just ransomware.
You: Who? Me: Reese You: Witherspoon? Me : Nah, with a knife
Nah on second thoughts you won't get it. It's an inside joke.
I told him they don't have tge right koalafications. My SO sighed and left the room… She hasn't talked to me in 45min, guess that's how you know it's a dadjoke?
One relies on heads while the other is just based on tales.
it was a fake noose
It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
I decided to let him sleep
I'm all ears
…the Czech is in the mail.
I have trouble with emotional attachments.
They called it a day
I never strike in the same place twice.
He asks his friend how he does it. The friend whispers, "I'll tell you, but keep it a secret." The teenage boy excitedly agrees. "All you have to do is, before you go to the beach, put a big potato down in your bathing suit. The girls will swarm you in no time." The teenage boy does as instructed, but instead, the girls see him, scream and run away. "What did I do wrong?" the teenage boy asks his friend. The friend looks him over and shakes his head. "Christ, man. You're supposed to put it down the FRONT."
I don't know why I put it on in the first place.
How do you ruin a joke?
"I've had enough, I'm going to leave her." "Why?" "She's out every night, going to the bars in town way past mightnight and I'm fed up with it". "What's she doing?" "She's looking for me!"
but wouldn't it be kinda funny if dinosaurs made humans go extinct?
I never got a straight answer.
…and sees two priests walking across the street. He staggers towards the two priests and stops in front of them. He turns to the first priest and proudly says, “I’m Jesus Christ!” The first priest shakes his head and replies, “No, son, you’re not.” He then turns to the second priest and says again, “I’m Jesus Christ!” Again, the second priest replies, “No, son, you’re not.” The drunk man finally says, “Follow me, I’ll prove it too you!” Curious, the two priests follow behind him as he walks back into the bar. Immediately upon entering, the bartender takes one look at the man and says, “Jesus Christ, you’re here again?!”
Anna one, Anna two I'm sorry…
"Maybe a career as a tour guide isn't right for me?"
Given that a radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, it’s strange that the town in the movie Cars is called “Radiator Springs.”
It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."
Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark!
It dampens theirs spirits.
Because they make up literally everything.
Germany. I'm no dad but I'll get myself into shape for when the time comes .