Sometimes he even laughs!
He is a real smooth operator.
and says, "can I have a martini please?" "Dry?" "No, just one."
A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table. He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the face. And said, “I went by your grandma’s house and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is fine!” The biker looked at him and didn’t say a word. His buddies were confused, because he was a bad ass and would fight at he drop of a hat. The drunk leaned on the table again. And he said “I got it on with your grandma. And she is good. The best I ever had!” The biker still said nothing. His buddies were starting to get mad. The drunk leaned on the table again and said,”I’ll tell you something else boy, your grandma liked it!” The biker stood up and took the drunk by the shoulder. And said, “Damn it, Grandpa, you’re drunk! Go home!”
Patient: “OK.” Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”
"The bad news is it's brain cancer."
It’s not the end of the word.
Now more of their users are getting off than ever.
Running out of gas!
You should go to Daenerys exit.
Unfortunately, she blew it…
Sheepdog: Hey, I rounded them up!
Anyway, my dad just caught me masturbating
To render the buildings
He was just too far out, man.
Not this year though – I'm quitting cold turkey…
Don’t worry, I’m clean now.
Your Mercedes bends
and on the other, your left.
I'm going to call it Poke, Mon
When I saw my neighbour I asked, "Excuse me sir, is this yours?" The ignorant bastard just ignored me.
Benjamin Franklin was the greatest US President.
Almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday…
… that's a nom de plume. When you take a name for war, that's a nom de guerre. When you take a name for an eating contest, that's a nom de om nom nom.
My friend gave it to me while he was dying. It seemed really important to him that I have it.
"Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the bar where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." Yes, she says, "I remember it oh so well!" OK, he says, "Let's go there again, and we can do it for old time's sake?" "Oh Marvin, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!" A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggles to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?" Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."
I'm not buying it
To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.