oof
The repairs on big ben are expected to take 3 years
That's a long time considering they're working around the clock
Why does Batman wear dark colors? Thats easy, Batman doesent want to get shot. Why does Robin wear bright colors?
Thats easy… Batman doesent want to get shot.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station.
I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with her personal trainer.
Me: "Ok, this isn't working out."
“Push harder”, I shouted at my wife while she was in labor. “Screw you”, she yelled back at me.
A bit harsh I thought, it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to hospital.
-Doctor, ive tried everything to find love but it just wont work, what else can i do?
-Have you tried shaving your mustache? -No -Well you should, Karen.
It’s amazing how Seasons work. I’m in Japan, it’s mid December and I’m freezing…
But apparently back in the England it's the end of May.
After some pondering and experiments, I’ve made a conclusion that I can no longer reach my original weight.
8 lbs 9 oz is an unrealistic goal anyways.
You’d think the sneeze glitch would’ve been patched by now
You’d think the sneeze glitch would’ve been patched by now
I am a social vegan.
I avoid meet.
I put batteries in a mouse
For some reason I was kicked out of the pet store
There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke.
After a particularly nasty one, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started. The professor got wind of this, so the following day, he walked in and said, “Class, did you hear about the shortage of whores in India?” all the women stood up and headed for the door. “Wait, ladies!” cried the professor. “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”
Does February march?
No, but April may!
Im so bored sitting at home that I decided to memorize six pages of the dictionary.
I learned next to nothing.
miners.
miners.
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
So he isn’t spotted
My favorite sex position is called “WOW”…
It’s when I flip your MOM over.
Don’t you HATE it when people Capitalize words sTrAnGeLy?
I guess shift happens.
What do you call a fat psychic?
A Four-chin teller.
By the time you realize you’re not in shape
it's too far to walk back.
I told this girl I was talking to that I like to race cars, she asked me if I win often
I said no, the cars are much faster
Puns make me numb
Math puns make me number