One to promise a brighter future and the rest to screw it up.
The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” I said, “If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my girlfriend mate.”
He said, “Why? Is she a stunner?” I said, “No, she’s an optician.”
No text found
Because dawn is tough on Greece.
Lawyer : (whispering) Deny everything. Me : This isn't a chair.
I still have flashbacks!
It was sad, but it was a huge weight off my shoulders..
But then I screwed up.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
You run away. Turns out you can't just stop cold turkey.
Its literally made of hide.
But I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
And my soccer coach in 7th grade asks me: Do you they call you Will or Bill? Me: They call me both. Coach: Okay, Both, nice to meet you. I'm 42 years old, and that man's son still calls me "Both" to this day.
It can write other words too.
right where it hertz.
As he sits down, he looks up and notices three pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the bartender “what’s with the meat?” The bartender says, “If you can jump up and slap all three pieces at once, you get free drinks for an hour. If you miss even one, you have to pay for everyone else’s drinks for the rest of the night. Wanna give it a go?” The man takes another look at the meat, then says, “I think I’ll pass. The steaks are too high.”
She couldn’t see that well
Something bad is going to happen, I can feel it…
Love meant nothing to him.
It's a trap
Because it hertz.
The zookeeper said it was bread in captivity!
You need it to go skydiving TWICE.
I took that shit to another level!
you say it in a British accent.
Catholic priests looking at each other: We’ll do it!
Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.
It was the best dam program I've ever seen
Why does it have to be a group activity
ME: Through the glass bit
And now I'm no longer allowed in the library
It Hertz my ears.
…I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any french.