There was nothing left but de brie
-What’s that? -Urine trouble, sir.
They asked, "Can you perform under pressure?" I said, "No, but I can perform Bohemian Rhapsody."
"You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' … and she's always sound asleep."
Can’t be spotted
She must have called in thick
It just doesn’t listen.
It's not stroganoff
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
They are just USB sticks And when you exhale, you get cloud storage.
Burnadebt (Just thought of this and I gotta admit…I'm a little bit proud of myself.)
Are their children called ice cubes?
i haven't looked back since
A chemical warehouse was robbed at gunpoint, the assailants cleaned out all stores of substances with pH above 7.
"All your base are belong to us"
they become VERY ANGRY
Should get a nobell prize
I’ve seen enough.
…is just a little pail in comparison.
I guess my property line isn't where I thought it was
There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying, “Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale.”
A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish. The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish." The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish. His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that." The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish. His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass those f**king potatoes!"