Our new librarian is very polite and I think she is Italian…
I've just taken a book back that was months overdue but, rather than charging me, she just said, "That's-a-fine."
and people are lined up for blocks.
But it was a bit of a stretch.
The worst part is the news says this is just the tip of the iceberg and what I need to use as TP tomorrow romaines to be seen. Stay safe kids, Dad
7YO: Knock knock! Me: Who's there? 7YO: Europe Me: Europe who? 7YO: (with mock outrage) I'm not a poo! you're a poo!
Needless to say, all the seats were already taken.
I hate making decisions based on stereotypes.
When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him. "Welcome. You are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully." Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, "Who really shot Kennedy?" God replies, "Lee Harvey Oswald shot him from sixth floor of the Texas School Book Depository. There were no accomplices. He acted alone" The conspiracy theorist pauses, thinks to himself, then says "Shit! This goes higher up than I thought…"
I never have the time
They don’t have the guts.
Geralt of Trivia
But then he disappeared without a tres…
I replied, "No, Im the guy who takes the longest baths in the city".
Spynosawus. … I'll just see myself out
Your under a vest
Sext her out of nowhere and then text back right away “sorry wrong person”
Worst french fries I've ever had.
I love you honeydew, but I cantaloupe.
asked a son to his father. "It means 'happy,'" replied the father. "Oh," contested the son, "so are you gay, then?" "No, son, I have a wife."
She's told to wait downstairs. Her mother comes down first and tries to console her. Mommy, what were you doing to daddy? Well sweetheart, you know how your father's a little overweight? Every day I bounce up and down on top of him to let some of the air out. The little girl starts laughing. What's so funny hunny? You're wasting your time mommy. Every day when you go to work, the neighbor comes over and blows him right back up!
Damn things bounce all over the place
She says it drives her up the wall.
The father sighs, places his hand on the boy's shoulder and replies wistfully: "We tried, but nobody would take you"
Because they have big fingers!
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?" "Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations." "How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks. The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."
They just don't work
It was a Shih Tzu.
…the chemical plant became insolvent…