Out here in Virginia protecting my potatoes just like President Trump said π₯π₯π₯
An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American…
… an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudan, a Botswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Briton, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djiboutian, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Englishman, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian, a Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turk, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a nightclub. The doorman stops them and says, "Sorry I canβt let you in without a Thai."
“What can you offer this restaraunt as the new food runner?”
"Well, I bring a lot to the table for starters.
An Inventor in the 1800s created a device that instantly eliminated all bells in the world.
He was later awarded the Nobel prize for his scientific achievements. edit:OC
LMAO IM AT MY SCHOOL TALENT SHOW AND DUDE SAYS βBefore I begin, I want to make sure this mic is workingβ
βIf your name is Michael, please stand upβ Then a couple dudes stand up And he goes βThat concludes the mike checkβ stolen from twitter @ cheyrubi
“Also the whole company depends on this project working smoothly, so no pressure!”
https://ift.tt/36Y4ApK
Two Texas farmers, Jim and Bob are sitting in a bar, drinking beers.
Jim turns to Bob, and says, "You know what, I'm going to go to college!" He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college. He is met with the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take. "Alright, Jim. You are going to take 4 classes," the Dean says. "English, Math, Science, and Logic." "Logic?" Jim asks. "What the hell is that?" "Here, I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?" Proudly, Jim responded, "Yes, I do." "Well, if you own a weed wacker, then logically speaking you own a lawn," the Dean said. "Yes, yes I do have a lawn!" "Well, if you have a lawn, then logically speaking you own a house." "Yes, yes I do have a house!" "And if you have a house, then logically speaking you have a family." "Yes, yes I do have a family!" "And if you have a family, then logically speaking you have a wife. And if you have a wife, then logically speaking you're heterosexual." "Yes, yes I do have a wife and I am heterosexual! Wow, I can't believe you found out all of that just because you knew I had a weed wacker!" Jim exclaimed. "Yeah, that's what logic is," the Dean responded. Jim excitedly went back to the bar, awaited by Bob. "Bob, I'm taking 4 classes in college. English, Math, Science, and Logic," Jim told Bob. "Logic?" Bob asks. "What the hell is that?" "Here, I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?" "No." Jim stared at him. "You some kind of faggot, Bob?"
How do you communicate with a fish?
You drop him a line.
It doesn’t matter how many times you fall, it’s how many times you get back up!
"That's not how field sobriety tests work." replied the police officer
My girlfriend said that it wasnβt working out between us and that we should start seeing other people.
So I took her wheelchair. Just as I thought… She couldnβt stand to leave me.
I gave all of my dead batteries away today,
free of charge.
My Drug Dealer Sold Me Some Shoes Today..
I don't know what he laced em with, but I've been trippin all day!
I was watching porn on the computer, when my grandpa suddenly walked in.
Weird way to finally find out what he did for a living.
A man is fired from his job at the pickle factory NSFW
A man comes home from his job at the pickle factory. βHoney, I got fired today for sticking my dick in the pickle slicer.β Wife: βMy God! Whatβs happened?β Husband: βShe got fired tooβ
A man walks into the doctor’s office with a piece of lettuce hanging out of his ass
The doc takes one look and he says, "Jeeze, it looks like we have one heck of a problem here." The guy responds "this is just the tip of the iceberg."
A farmer drove over to his neighborβs house and knocked on the door…
A boy, about 9, opened the door. βIs your mom or dad home?β The farmer asked the boy βNo, they went in to town.β The boy replied βWell, how about your brother Howard?β The farmer asked βNo, he went with mom and dad.β The boy said The farmer stood there for a minute shifting from one foot to another and mumbling when the boy says βI know where the tools are if you need to borrow one or I could give my dad a message for you.β βWell,β The farmer said uncomfortably βI wanted to talk to your dad about your brother Howard getting my daughter pregnant.β The boy thought for a moment then said βYouβll have to talk to my dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bulls and $150 for the pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard.β
What does COVID and riding a motorcycle have in common?
You can do everything right but other people can still fuck you over.
My friend said she didn’t understand how cloning worked
"That makes two of us"
I just bought a dry-erase board
Itβs remarkable!
Donβt buy anything with Velcro on it.
Itβs a total rip-off!
How many bones are in a human hand?
A handful.
A wise Chinese man once said
δΈθ¦ηΏ»θ―
Flat earthers have nothing to fear
Except sphere itself.
Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn’t change colour?
He had reptile dysfunction
Why is the plane on r/woooosh?
Because it flew over your head.
Sometimes my son breaks into hives.
Not sure why he hates bees so much.
Why is it called Almond milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called nut juice.
The world champion tounge twister got arrested the other day
I heard they're going to give him a tough sentence
I got fired from the keyboard factory.
They said I wasn't putting in enough Shifts, but it was really a lack of Control. I see this as a fresh Start, I thought I would never Escape.