Pan-cakes
What’s the 9 letters of the pirate alphabet? (CORNY ALERT)
R, I, and the seven c’s (Say aloud) XD this made me laugh, hope it brightens your day
What does America have that Canada doesn’t?
Nice neighbors.
What’s Forrest Gump’s Wi-Fi password?
1Forrest1 Edit: Thanks for the Silver Award
Only one person can stop LeBron
That's LeBrain….
Did you know that French Fries don’t originate from France?
They were originally made in Greece
Why are tigers always honest?
Because they aren't lion
Apparently adding a fireplace to your home is the hot new trend…
…and chimney installations are through the roof!
Why did the twin elephants have to leave the beach?
They only had a pair of trunks!
A priest hooks a huge fish
A priest hooks a huge fish Helping him reel it in, a sailor says "Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!". "Hey, mind your language!" says the priest. Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry father, but that's what this fish is called, it's a Fucker fish". Accepting the explanation, the priest forgives the sailor and takes the fish back to church. "Look at this huge fucker" says the priest, spotting the bishop. "Language, please! this is God's house," replies the bishop. "No, no that's what this fish is called, "says the priest. "Oh," says the bishop, scratching his chin "I could clean that fucker and we could have it for dinner". So the bishop takes the fish, cleans it, and brings it to the mother superior. "Could you cook this fucker for dinner tonight?" he asks her. "My, what language!" she exclaims, clearly shocked. "No, sister that's what the fish is called – a fucker", says the bishop. Satisfied with the explanation, the mother superior says, "Wonderful, I'll cook that fucker tonight, The Pope is coming for dinner!" The fish tastes just great and The Pope asks where they got it. "Well, I caught the fucker!" says the priest. "And I cleaned the fucker!" says the bishop. "And I cooked the fucker!" says the mother superior. The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely glaze, leans back on his chair, takes off his cap, puts his feet up on the table, pours himself a whiskey and says:" You know what?, You cunts are alright."
Do you know why women fart after they pee?
They can't shake it so they need to blow dry.
What is the least spoken language in the world?
Sign Language
i have a hicky from my date with a wizard last night
she was a neck-romancer
It takes me 10 minutes to walk to the bar, but an hour to walk home.
The difference is staggering.
In all my years working at the Land Rover factory…
I made several discoveries
I decided to get my son a flat piece of cardboard for his birthday.
He keeps asking for an ex box, so I’m sure he will be delighted.
I had a car crash the other day.
I had a car crash the other day. A dwarf got out of the other car and said, “I'm not happy”. To which I replied, “Which one are you then?”
My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovah’s Witness so he wouldn’t arouse suspicion
He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.
My teacher told me to turn in my essay…
But I ain’t no snitch.
What language do oranges speak?
Mandarin.
My good friend drowned while at the beach last month. I tearfully placed a life preserver on his coffin at the funeral.
It's what he would've wanted.
A man takes his seat at the NBA final. He looks over and notices there’s an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.
The man says, "Who would ever miss the NBA final?” The guy replies, "Well that was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last four NBA finals together, but sadly she passed away.” The man says back, "That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another close family member to come with you?” The guy says, "No. They're all at the funeral."
Why do North Koreans draw the straightest lines?
Because they have a supreme ruler.
Says one spice to another
"Seasoned Greetings"
Why is every gender equality officer female?
Because it’s cheaper…
The Hindenburg
Edit: Wow! I didn't know this would blow up!
What do you call a lazy Kangaroo?
A pouch potato!
The bible is one of the best-selling books in the world.
You could say it's very prophetable.
Harry Potter can’t tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best mate.
They're both cauldron.
Today is my 42nd birthday. I just announced to my kids that … finally …
I have fortitude.
A truck full of donkeys passed me on the highway
He was really hauling ass.
Sausage jokes. They’re the wurst, aren’t they?
No text found
How do you get a mouse to smile
You say Cheese!
My pen stopped working, so I tried to make an eleven.
Apparently two ones don’t make it write.
