Panzerfaust incoming! Got lube?
2 christians were stranded in a desert.
The first was called John and the second was called Jack. They were extremely hungry and thirsty. In the distance, they saw a mosque gleaming in the middle of no where. John suggested to go and pay the mosque's Imam a visit and ask for some food and water. Jack agreed but suggested to change their names to islamic ones so that the Imam would agree to feed them. John: That is pointless and deceiving. We should introduce ourselves with our real names. Jack: No, or else they won't feed us. From now on call me Mohammed. They made their way to the mosque and met the Imam and told him about their despair. The Imam told John: We have a room filled with food and water. As for you Mohammed, have a blessed Ramadan.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Just look for the fresh prints.
Dad jokes
But usually he's pretty serious
6:30 is the best time on a clock
hands down
My time machine broke, so I took it to the time machine repairman.
He just walked up to it, kicked it and said āthey sure donāt make them like they will do soon.ā
My friend just told me that he has a third nipple, and he has decided to get surgery to remove it.
He really needed to get it off his chest.
Steve Irwin died as he lived.
With animals in his heart.
So for Halloween Iām going to wear a baby carrier with a bag of sugar in it.
Iāll be a sugar daddy.
What do the movies titanic and the six sense have in common
Icy dead people
My dad kept making a joke about interrupting cow
He was obviously milking it
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: “5 lamb chops, please.”
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth,and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus-stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile, he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" bell, and the butcher follows him off. The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog. The butcher runs up and screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!" The owner responds, "Genius, my ass……… It's the second time this week he's forgotten his keys!"
I like my women like I like my coffee
Very strong, and given proper credit for their contributions in both the home and the workplace.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you eat with that thing?"
A four-foot-tall fourtuneteller escaped from prison.
He was a small medium at large.
Doctor: your brain fell out during the accident but don’t worry I put it back in
Me: thanks for reminding me
Iād never let my children watch the orchestra.
There is too much sax and violins in it
I was offered sex with a 21 year old girl today
In exchange, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner. Of course I declined, because I am a person with high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax Spray nā Wipe, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla.
![It usually takes longer to write the automation code too [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/z4grlcpz06d31.png)
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection…
The judge asks, āFirst offender?ā The wife replies, āNo, first a Gibson, then a Fender.ā
Little known fact-
Captain Hook bought his hook from a second hand store.
My dad sent this to me this morning. He sends shit like this all the time unironically
https://ift.tt/2Xk88k7
NSFW – A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter’s bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter naked on the bed with a vibrator.What are you doing?” she exclaimed. The daughter replied, “I’m 35 and still living at home with my parents an
What are you doing?" she exclaimed. The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband." Later that week the father was in the kitchen and heard a humming sound coming from the basement. When he went downstairs, he found his daughter naked on the sofa with her vibrator. "What are you doing?" he exclaimed. The daughter replied, "I'm 35 and still living at home with my parents and this is the closest I'll ever get to a husband." A couple of days later the mother heard the humming sound again, this time in the living room. In there, she found her husband watching the Super Bowl on television with the vibrator buzzing away beside him. "What are you doing?" she exclaimed. He replied…………"Watching the game with my son-in-law."
What did the seal with a broken arm say to the hungry shark?
Do not comsume if the seal is broken
