In the first lesson I taught my first student the first 5 notes on the lowest string, and then the next week I taught him the first 5 notes on the next string. But the next week he didn't turn up. The week after that, he showed up and I said to him, "dude where were you last week?" to which he replied "I had a gig"
and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust.
Repost a popular joke from yesterday, It’s a piece of cake.
No wait, she's back She just went make a cup of coffee..
Dad: " Actually, we'd like him to keep his Liver"
When all of the sudden in the midst of a paticularly moving segment, he hears a loud, uproarious sneeze coming from amongst the crowd. Stalin stops speaking, glares at the soldiers, becomes very visibly annoyed, and says "Who sneezed?…" All of the soldiers don't say anything, some of them start to sweat and others nervously glance around. After a brief moment Stalin motions towards a few soldiers with him on the stage. "Execute the first row…" he commands, and the soldiers on stage begin opening fire at the first row of troops on the ground. "I'll ask again, who sneezed?" says Stalin. Another pause, and no one speaks up. Finally Stalin says "Execute the…" but before he can finish, a soldier about 4 rows back raises his hand and says "It was me General Secretary Stalin! I'm the one who sneezed." Stalin then stares cold and hard at the soldier who spoke up for an uncomfortable amount of time, before he leans towards his microphone and says "Bless you."
Did you know gibberish spelled backwards is gibberish? No, it's hsirebbig. Exactly my point!
But I didn’t believe him because he said it with a straight face
At least that's what she said in her diary.
As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door.
They have jam sessions!
She turns to him and says, "Babe I need to tell you something, I used to be a Christian." He said: "That doesn't bother me any!" She responded: "That's a relief, I much prefer being a Christine."
Neil and Bill look at Stephen Hawking and yell, "My God, Stephen, you're cured!"
Mountain climbing with a friend is hard.
Dad : Oh i see Doctor : No you can't
0% of my friends are Nazis, and thats a good percentage.
They were Prime mates.
What a strange way to start a conversation
It's white and settles on their land
Please don't upvote she is on a business trip until tuesday.
His mother tells him to buy one himself. A chemistry student himself, he finds an effective money-making strategy. Every day, he would sell mixtures of Rhenium, Phosphorus, Osmium, and Tennssine, and he was earning a lot from the sales. Curious, his mother asks him about the mixtures. The teen replied: RePOsTs are the fastest way to car, Ma.
I said, “You’ll come around eventually.”
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set all by my self.In a moment of panic,I threw a bedsheet over it
I think I managed to cover my tracks
That was a trip down memory lane
Friend: why did you call him that, he’s not even a white horse? Mayo: [neighs]
It had a really hard time choo choo chooing it’s food.
My dealer sure has some explaining to do..
He goes to the urinal as another man enters and starts using the urinal next to him. The other man looks over at him and asks, "Are you a Jew?" "Why yes, I am," he replied. "Are you circumcised?" The second man asked. A bit put off, the first man answered warily. "A strange question… but yes.. I am circumcised…" "Did you grow up in New York?" The second man asked. "Well, yes! I did. How did you know?" "Did you study under Rabbi Korinski?" "I did! How do you know so much about me?" "He cuts at an angle and you're pissing on my shoe."
He picks it up and rubs it, and a genie comes out. The genie promises to grant him one wish. The man pulls a crumpled map from his pocket and shows it to the genie. He says, "Peace in the Middle East, that's my wish." The genie studies the map, but looks looks concerned. He hands the map back and says, "I'm sorry, sir. I come from the Middle East myself, and these conflicts have been raging since even before my time. Bringing peace to that region is beyond my powers. Do you have another wish?" The guy thinks and says, "Well, I've been married for forty years, and in my whole life I've never received oral sex from my wife. That would be my wish." The genie pauses for another moment and then says, "Let me see that map again."
I have 2020 vision.
Me: I'm a Harp Host: Your costume's too small. Me: Are you calling me a Lyre?
I wrote the names of everyone I’ve unfriended onto a piece of paper; but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint.
Now he’s high on my list of people I never want to see again.