She gave him the cold shoulder.
She was absolutely furious and said she’s never going to play scrabble with me ever again
Because curiosity killed them all.
Now he's the Abdominal Snowman.
It's really hard to quit cold turkey
A doctor came to greet him. "Good morning, sir. What's your name?", the doctor asked. "I am John F. Kennedy", the patient replied. "Oh, well I believe you'll fit in here quite well. We have a lot of former presidents at our hospital." "I'm not a president. I'm an airport."
… about Chinese people and the Corona Virus. An overly sensitive and overweight female co-worker said that just because I'm Asian, doesn't mean that the joke wasn't racist… I asked her, "So if i tell a race joke, does it mean I'm a racist?" She responded, "Yes, telling a joke based on a race makes you a racist!" I then asked, "What if i told a fat joke? Would that make me a fatist?" She thought for a while before replying… "Well, yes… that would make you a fatist…" I looked at her and replied, "No, you're the fattest!"
then 25.8069758011 is the root of all evil.
James Bond's doorbell
A man wanted to have sex with a nun he saw every day at the bus station. One day, when they got on the bus, he asked her to have sex with him, but she refused. The bus driver heard their conversation and after she got off the bis, he told the man " Every night, she goes to the cemetery to visit Father Martin's grave, who died a few years ago. If you want to have sex with her, go to the cemetery dressed in black with your face covered and say: Maria, it's me, Martin. I have come to have sex with you before i go to heaven." The man did just as he was told. When he goes to the cemetery, he sees the nun staying in front of a grave with her face covered. The man approached her and said he was Father Martin and wanted to have sex with her. She said: "Fine, but do it in the ass so i can stay a virgin." After the man had sex with her, he uncovered his face and said: "Ha! It was me the whole time!", but then the one he thought was the nun turned around and said: "Ha! It is me, the bus driver!"
Jokes on them, though. They aren't my friends.
play with yourself"
It’s a small world.
a small medium at large
I have selfish steam issues.
I wanted to name our son Miles but my wife thought we should go with something more universally accepted.
So we named him Kilometers
They let me pick which medical school I'm going to
The bartender asks, “how did you do that?”
… what should I feed it?
There, they’re, their.
Mass divided by volume
And I gotta say that's true because I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey
They just take the money and run.