Peek aunt humor is always about drinking wine/“I’m lazy”/“I’m a bitch”
Did you hear about the drummer who gave his daughters all the same name?
Anna 1 Anna 2 Anna 3 Anna 4
What do you call a dog on a U-boat?
A subwoofer.
The seminar “How To Avoid Frauds” is cancelled…
Tickets are non-refundable…
Wife: honey I’m pregnant, we’re going to have our first kid
Husband, with tears in his eyes: Hi pregnant, I’m dad
I keep trying to come up with unemployment jokes.
But none of them work
I bought a wooden whistle
But it wooden whistle. So I bought a steel whistle. But it steel wooden whistle. So I bought a lead whistle. But it steel wooden lead me whistle.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
You shouldn’t take medicine on an empty stomach.
And he orders a beer
A time traveler walks into a bar
If A is for Apple and B is for Banana then what is C for?
Plastic Explosives
My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
I asked my girlfriend if she does any other exercises…
Other than jumping to conclusions.
I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people.
But none of them work
Where do Muslim llamas come from?
Alpacastan! …I'm not sorry.
Most puns make me feel numb.
Math posts make me feel number.
What do metals call their friends
their chromies
I just got hired at a company that makes bicycle wheels!!
I’m the spokesperson
I took a test to check whether or not I have kleptomania.
It wasn’t my test, but I took it anyway.
What gender is google?
Female, she doesn’t let you finish your sentence before suggesting something.
Did you know alligators can grow up to 15 feet?
But most have 4
what’s hilarious is that most people think we dont need to bring back the guillotine. ha.
https://ift.tt/2DqU4KM
Do not use “BEEFSTEW” as a password
It's not stroganoff
I took a viagra this morning but it got stuck in my throat
I’ve had a stiff neck all day
In all my years working at the Land Rover factory…
I made several discoveries
If Joe biden becomes president,
the white house will become forbiden
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
to be frank,
I'd have to change my name
Why do nurses always bring red crayons to work?
In case they need to draw blood
What is the difference between a unicorn and a carrot?
One is a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.
A brother hits his sister in the eye with a pool noodle.
It was an accident but the girl gets a really nasty black eye. So the next day the girl gets to tell to all her friends about it and blames the brother. The brother doesn’t like the unwarranted attention. He goes to his father and tells him he doesn’t like his sister telling everyone he hit her. The father finds it reasonable and tells the sister not to tell people about it as it is embarrassing the brother. The next day she goes to school and the teacher notices the black eye. The teacher goes up to girl and asks if she is alright. The girl responds that she is fine. The teacher then asks how she got such a nasty black eye. The sister responds, “My father told me not to say.”
What do you call an acid with an attitude?
A-mean-o-acid
Earlier today, a man was seen robbing a prosthetic limb factory.
Witnesses say he's armed and dangerous.
