People say that dad jokes aren’t very clever.
But then I look back on the post that I have saved from a year ago that says otherwise.
It means a lot to them.
I found an alien masturbating in my freezer last night. I asked him what on earth he was doing in there.
He said, “I cum in peas.”
No text found
I really need to keep an ion them.
Too much socky.
A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.
A pregnant woman who is expecting triplets walks into a bank, while she is in there a robber walks in and shouts for everyone to get down on the ground, the woman is too slow so the man shoots her 3 times and runs away from the scene. The woman survives, and the doctor told her that in 12 years, each of her children will have to pass the bullet. So in 12 years, her 1st son walks up to her and says ‘mum I’ve just peed out a bullet’ so she tells him the story.Her Daughter then walks up and says the same, so again the mother tells the story.Then her 3rd son walks up to her and says ‘mum you’ll never guess what’ which she replies with ‘let me guess you peed out a bullet’ which he replies with ‘no, I was masturbating and I shot the dog’.
A cop drives past my open garage in California, and notices my plants and grow lamps. He stops and shouts, “You better not be growing weed with those lamps!”
“You’re gonna need at least twice the wattage and a lot more room!”
Because some relationships don't workout.
It was a bit boring.
.She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay the high prices. After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde said, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price." Later in the day, the shopkeeper spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. She took aim at an alligator, killed it and hauled it onto the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the blonde flipped the alligator on its back and shouted in frustration, "Damn, this one isn't wearing any shoes either."
I said, "Sorry I'm late." They said, "You're hired"
Is this Trudeau?
agree to fuck each other. The lion informs the mouse "I'm the king of the jungle with a reputation to uphold, therefore must do this in hiding and I must go first. " The mouse replies "You're so large, you'll fuck me to death, let me go first then when I'm done you can have your turn". The lion reluctantly agrees. The mouse begins to fuck the lion and right after he busts his nut, he runs away. The lion notices what has happened and begins to chase the mouse. The mouse, hoping to take disguise, finds a seat at a table. He grabs a newspaper and begins to casually read it, hoping the lion passes him by. The lion urgently asks "Have you seen a little mouse run past here!?" The mouse replies "Do you mean the mouse that fucked you in the ass?" Horrified, the lion gasps: "Its in the newspaper already!?"
V Edit: my CTRL key broke
How should I know. It’s not like I have 2020 vision.
North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the whole world, because they’re brainwashed by the government and the media…
But every American knows that America is really the best country in the world!
He couldn't see that well.
They're always up to something.
pros and cons of dating me pros : dating cons: me
Not impressed. Had a canon printer for years.
Me: "Why?" Bouncer: "I don’t know you, and This is my trampoline."
I havent seen him since 2005
It's a re-warding job.
Lots O' Matzoh Spin the Ladle Latkes of Love And for vegans: Soy Vey!
One goldfish looks at the other and says: "Hey man, how the hell do you drive this thing?"
Spynosawus. … I'll just see myself out
It's cutting edge technology.