People treat me like a god
They ignore my existence unless they need something
Some scientists claim it might become a pundemic.
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but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint. Now he’s high on my list of people I never want to see again.
She wanted to see the task manager.
I said, “Don’t worry. We are all in the same boat.”
It was Othello… and then Othgoodbye.
I told him, "Anytime, my door is always open!"
A family of buffalo are sending their boy off to kindergarten. The teary-eyed mom is hugging her kid.
Dad just waves and says, "Bison".
I guess it's only fare
I replied Kindergarten
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
A lip reader.
Nothing, it just waved.
…now I sneak out of parties to go home.
“Yes. Don’t get too attached to him”.
I was so proud of him for coming out of the cabinet!
Remarkably, the donkey is incredibly quick and manages to win. The local paper reads Local nun has winning ass. She enters it into a second race, and again it wins. The local paper reads Nun has best ass in town. The priest is annoyed by these headlines, but the prize money is seriously helping the church, so he tries to ignore it. After a regional win, the paper reads Nun shows entire county her ass. The priest decides this sort of publicity is too much, and insists she sell the donkey. She puts up a few ads. The next day, the headline is Nun offers her ass for £50. The priest insists she get rid of it quickly, so she makes it free to a loving home. Nun desperate for someone to own her ass. A bishop realises the problem, and so offers to take the donkey. Bishop loves nun's ass. The priest faints.
if you haven’t botany
I'm not sure, but the flag is a big plus.
As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiply. After some time, Noah came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves…
So Noah asked them, ”Why aren’t you multiplying?” The snakes replied, “We can’t, we’re adders.”
The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door." So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt." They let him in. The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice tits. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
“Man I was at the most awesome party this weekend! We went to this dude’s house and guy had toilets made of pure gold!” “No way!” “Yes way,” insists Fred, “come with me and check it out for yourself if you don’t believe me.” – Twenty minutes later they’re ringing the doorbell at the place. A middle-aged lady opens and Fred eagerly asks her, “Hi! I’m sorry to bother you but there was a party at your house yesterday and my friend doesn’t believe that you have toilet bowls of pure gold!” – The lady looks at him for a moment and then yells into the inside of the house, “Roger, the pig that shat in your trombone is here!”
It's Pretty Nuts.
I failed a health and safety course yesterday. One of the questions was ‘in the event of a fire, what steps would you take?’
‘Large ones’ was apparently the wrong answer.
I don't know why I put it on in the first place.
Long answer: yes.
He really gets a kick out of it.